Miss Piggy. Cole Escola. Feature Film. Reason to Live.
Just like Mary Todd stepping out of hubby Abraham Lincoln’s shadow to star in her own musical revue in the historically accurate Broadway play Oh, Mary!, so too will Miss Piggy finally karate-kick Kermie to the curb to get top billing in a star vehicle of her own. Oh, Mary! star and playwright Cole Escola is set to write the first-ever Miss Piggy feature film, according to notorious town gossip Jennifer Lawrence. The actor squealed the news on the November 5 episode of Las Culturistas, saying, “Emma Stone and I are producing a Miss Piggy movie, and Cole is writing it,” rendering hosts Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers utterly speechless. On top of producing, Lawrence said that she and Stone will co-star alongside Piggy. “You guys haven’t done a movie together,” Rogers said, “and that’s robbery to us.”
The two Academy Award–winning actresses and one Academy Award–snubbed pig would already make for one of the greatest onscreen trios since The First Wives Club, but Escola’s involvement is what pushes this project over the edge into genuinely thrilling territory. Escola revived a 207-year-old diva’s legendary status with their take on Mary Todd Lincoln and can certainly do the same for a 49-year-old pig. So much of Piggy’s strength, mania, physical comedy, brattiness, and divadom permeate Escola’s characterization of Mary Todd, to the point that they told Amy Poehler in July that they would want a film adaptation of Oh, Mary! to star Piggy as Mary Todd (surrounded by non-Muppet human performers in the other roles, as is custom). At the time, Escola said to Poehler, “Actually, cut this, because I’m talking to Disney tomorrow.” It seems like they weren’t kidding.
Some expert industry forecasting for what will happen if Disney actually lets a Miss Piggy solo project written by Cole Escola happen with Stone and Lawrence co-starring: billion-dollar opening weekend, Oscars sweep, Muppet*Vision 3D makes a triumphant return to Disney World with a new script penned by Escola, and a Piggy-Escola Democratic presidential ticket in 2028. Until any other non-J.Law entity confirms the news, stans can catch Piggy in her Broadway debut in Rob Lake Magic With Special Guests the Muppets, whatever that means.
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