What an Olympic judo gold medalist taught me, Part 2
As a six-time world middleweight undefeated karate champion, I’m sure it’s no shock to you that among my favorite Olympic tournaments to watch is judo. Bouts are going on all this week in Paris until Saturday, Aug. 3.
The official Olympic website explains well: “Judo is a traditional Japanese martial art derived from jiu-jitsu, the hand-to-hand combat technique of ancient samurai warriors. Dr. Jigoro Kano is credited for founding the discipline in Tokyo after opening his first dojo (school), the kōdōkan, in 1882. In Japanese, the word ‘judo’ means ‘the gentle way,’ but the traditional wrestling sport can hardly be described as such – it requires considerable physical effort. Dr. Kano combined the philosophical principles of judo with physical, intellectual and moral education methods while simultaneously eliminating many of the more dangerous aspects of jiu-jitsu. Judo became popular in Europe and particularly France in the late 20th century, becoming the first martial art widely practiced outside of Japan.”
In last week’s Part 1 column, I began by sharing with you some of the courageous steps of multiple-gold-medal judo Olympian and MMA champion Kayla Harrison, who suffered years of sexual abuse at the hands of her coach.
I’d love to tell you sexual abuse is a rare occurrence, but it is not.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, reported the difficult news: “Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. And every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 25 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.”
That’s the bad news. But there is hope because we all can fight these trends, privately and together.
Catherine McCall, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who is also an expert in child sexual abuse, explained in one of her many helpful Psychology Today articles that we all can help stop these monstrous childhood violations by being privy to the ways of pedophiles and not turning a blind eye or fearing to report them, anonymously or otherwise, if we suspect such immoral behavior is occurring in our families, neighborhoods, or spheres of influence.
Judo champion Kayla Harrison knows the way, goes the way and shows the way to help and healing. In last week’s column, I began to detail what she did to overcome years of sexual abuse by her trusted family-friend and coach.
Though I encourage you read these steps in her own words, her first three steps were: 1) Don’t let being a victim define or paralyze you; rather, use it as a catalyst and fuel for victory; 2) Surround yourself with people who will push – and sometimes even pull – you toward your goals; and 3) Make a commitment to keep stepping forward, however small the baby steps or reeling the relapses; mark your progress; celebrate the small victories and the major milestones.
Here are a three more inspiring lessons Kayla’s life and actions teach us:
4. Constantly visualize your recovery, goals, and a better tomorrow.
As she sat by her coaches, Jimmy Pedro and Jimmy Sr., Kayla testified: “We practice a lot of visualization, and every night before I go to sleep I would walk through my day and I would picture my Olympic journey and I would picture every moment of it. So, to have it happen, to have that clock tick down, to have it say, ‘Kayla Harrison, winner,’ was amazing. I couldn’t have done it without Jimmy, I couldn’t have done it without his father.”
All the way up to the very day she won her Olympic gold, Pedro explained to The Guardian that he must have given Kayla the same peptalk 150 times throughout that day: “There’s one girl in front of you. That’s all we worry about is that one girl. Are you better than her? Are you stronger than her? Are you tougher than her? Yeah? Well, then, go beat her because she’s in your way to be an Olympic champion.”
5) Help others through your tragedy-to-triumph story.
Kayla’s catalyst to help others came from watching the Jerry Sandusky scandal at Penn State, especially when students came out in support of Coach Joe Paterno rather than the victims of Sandusky.
As she explained to Time, “I saw a lot of things that really pissed me off. I decided I wasn’t going to sit around and take it anymore.”
Since then, Kayla has been courageously retelling her traumatic story to encourage others to face their fears and gain the gold in their own lives. She’s been paying it forward – what the Pedros and her fellow teammates did for her.
She explained, “It’s scary. It’s really scary to be someone they trust you with that. But I want to be the one that they come to. I want to be someone who can change their life, and fix it, and make it better. I want to be what the Pedros were for me, and show somebody that there are good people in the world, who do the right thing no matter what, and prosper in the end.”
She added, “I want to help kids overcome being victims. I want to help change the sport and change people’s lives.”
That’s exactly what Kayla’s done and been doing through her “Fearless Foundation” and her book, “Fighting Back: What an Olympic Champion’s Story Can Teach Us about Recognizing and Preventing Child Sexual Abuse – and Helping Kids Recover.”
6) Persevere and never give up!
Kayla’s message to others is this: “Never give up on your dreams. I mean, if I can do it, anybody can do it. Things have happened, but now, my life is a dream. I’m living my dream right now.”
That includes being the mother of two beautiful children!
Kayla is clear example of what the Good Book says: “What others mean for harm, God can turn around and use for the good.”
In fact, Kayla recommitted her life to God and being the best mother and example she could be. She posted to Instagram the below photo of her pastor baptizing her with the following words:
Faith has always been a very personal thing to me. But My relationship with Jesus has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. I have always been quiet but strong in my faith. But that changed when I started having two little ones watching me. How I talk. How I act. How I show love and receive love. And although I will not force my faith upon them, I wanted them to know that there is someone besides me who loves them no matter what! Forever and always. And will always be there. I want them to have that promise and that security.
So, I started making changes. We started going to @parkridgechurchfl. We started saying grace with every meal. I started watching my words and my actions. We started having a prayer list and a gratitude list. And I started watching God bless our lives and touch their hearts. From Kyla praying for the extinct animals to Emery shouting AMEN at every meal I have found peace and gratitude. And I am so happy and grateful I want the world to know. I am shouting it from the rooftops.
“He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” (Titus 3:5)
Kayla’s journey can be all of our journey: that beauty can come from ashes – that gold can emerge from the garbage heaps in our lives.
In her own words, “You get to the point where you decide that you don’t want to be a victim anymore and that you’re not going to live your life like that.”
(If you’re a victim or know someone who is, check out the website www.shatteringthesilence.org and read some of the many free online Psychology Today articles by Catherine McCall, M.S., L.M.F.T., a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, victim and overcomer of sexual abuse herself, who is also the author of a life-changing and inspirational book, “When the Piano Stops: A Memoir of Healing from Sexual Abuse.”)
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