Obama to divorce Michelle after discovering she’s actually a woman

MARTHA’S VINEYARD — According to sources, Barack Obama has filed for divorce from his wife Michelle after discovering she is actually a woman.

“I’ve been wrong…so wrong,” the former president confessed to a few close friends soon after his realization. “I mean, it’s a little embarrassing to realize that I’ve been thinking Michelle’s name was ‘Michael’ this whole time, but what’s worse is that she’s not actually one of the ga — excuse me, one of the guys, like us. I can’t believe I actually fell for a woman.”

Reports from the Obama household had previously indicated that the pair were experiencing some conflicts, but the new revelation has brought matters to a head.