D.C. outraged as Trump says men can’t punch women in the face for sport

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Liberals expressed outrage today after President Trump signed an executive order this afternoon that men cannot punch women in the face for sport.

The order further states that mediocre male athletes have to hit the gym and try harder if they want to win.

“It is a sad day in America when men cannot punch women in the face,” said ESPN executive James Pitaro. “We at ESPN are appalled that we cannot televise men kicking the crap out of women while we cheer. President Trump has gone too far.”