Ranking the new Dairy Queen Fall blizzard menu offerings by how much I want to eat them

Forget about Pumpkin Spice season (I know you won’t).

Dairy Queen revealed its Fall Blizzard menu offerings for 2024, and the six of them sound amazing. But in the service to you, the reader, and to myself (full disclosure, I wrote this on an empty stomach, gonna go eat after this publishes, I swear), I decided to rank them.

What are the parameters? It’s a ranking of how much I would eat these if I was staring at a menu at a local Dairy Queen.

Here they are in order of the worst to first, with the descriptions via DQ’s site:

6. Caramel Java Chip

This one blends “coffee with rich, choco espresso crunch piece, caramel and our world-famous soft serve.” 

I think there are better flavors out there, and I’m not a coffee guy.

5. Royal NY Cheesecake

Soft serve with “rich pieces of real cheesecake and graham, featuring a strawberry topping center.”

Meh. Sounds like a mishmash of flavors.

4. Salted Caramel Truffle

“A blend of world-famous DQ soft serve, salted caramel truffles, butter toffee pieces with rich choco chunks and decadent cocoa fudge.”

Oooo. I might be underrating this one.

3. French Silk Pie

“Rich choco chunks, pie pieces and cocoa fudge blended with delicious DQ soft serve and garnished with whipped topping.”

YUP.

2. Oreo Fudge Brownie

This one has “cookies, chewy brownies and velvety cocoa fudge.”

I am a sucker for all things Oreo. Sorry, not sorry.

1. Reese’s Pieces Cookie Dough

It’s “packed with candy pieces, gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter topping.”

The GOAT. Give me one. Now. For breakfast.