The 10 Rules of Conservative Comedy
1. Before you write a joke, you should ask yourself, “Does this joke challenge people’s long-held beliefs?” If your answer is yes, then maybe your joke is just not funny.
2. Some people say that good jokes make people laugh. That is not true. Good jokes make people angry and/or scared for their lives.
3. Never make a joke at your own expense. Making a joke at your own expense makes you look weak before your enemies. If you’re going to make a joke about yourself, it should be about how physically powerful you are, or about how much you hate your spouse.
4. People in power are not to be joked about, unless they are women. A good joke about powerful women is that they should be in prison.
5. A joke should not be difficult to “get.” In order to clear up any potential confusion, your joke should be surrounded with laughing emojis or smirking cartoon frogs.
6. If your joke still doesn’t make sense, include a meme of Don Draper smugly approving of your joke — this will make your audience feel bad for not “getting it,” and might trick them into thinking that you are Don Draper.
7. Technically speaking, there’s no legal distinction between a “joke” and a “threat.”
8. To keep your jokes “fresh” you should stay appraised of the latest developments concerning Hillary Clinton’s email server.
9. Comedy can be a powerful force for combating evil. For centuries, writers and comedians have leveraged their sharp wit to expose injustice and make the world a better place. Do not give in to this temptation.
10. If you can’t think of a punchline, try putting the joke in all-caps.