‘Give them pink, blue, and all colours of the rainbow’ Being an LGBT-inclusive parent

As a LGBT+ parent, Emma Fay wants to show their 18-month-old daughter as diverse a world as possible.

As a LGBT+ parent, Emma Fay wants to help their 18-month-old daughter have as inclusive an upbringing as possible.

‘In terms of how we raise her, stories are a really big way we show her a diverse world, even from a young age,’ they tell Metro.co.uk. ‘We read books to her that have a representation of different families and human experiences.’

Emma, who identifies as queer in both gender and sexuality, says they and their partner want to open up all possibilities for their child – whether that concerns LGBT+, race, religion or otherwise.

‘Overall, I would say that when people think of parenting in this [new] way, it’s about limitations and saying you can’t give your children things such as pink or blue,’ they explain.

‘Don’t limit them in a gendered way’

‘As a parent myself, I am loath to say what to do or not to do, but personally I think it’s about giving them all the possibilities, not reducing them. So give them pink and blue – and all the other colours of the rainbow, too.’

To do this they show their daughter stories and books which provide, for instance, a range of different pronouns, families which have two mums or dads, and a people from a variety of different racial and religious backgrounds.

‘One really important thing is that we found this really wonderful nursery, which introduces all different experiences to the children in their care, and they don’t limit them in a gendered way,’ Emma adds.

‘They’re also keen to celebrate all different kinds of holidays and festivals.’

Emma, who is 32 and lives in east London, reveals how their childhood experiences have made them so keen to raise their daughter in an inclusive way.

‘When I was at school there wasn’t any discussion of LGBT+ topics,’ they say.

‘It was at secondary school that I realised I wasn’t straight – I just hadn’t quite figured it out yet.

‘Internalised homophobia is powerful’

‘I was really lucky, as I found a really wonderful group of friends, lots of whom were LGBT+. But some of them had a really hard time.

‘I don’t think I realised quite how powerful internalised homophobia can be, and how it can affect someone’s life choices and relationships.’

Emma adds that as they grew older, they also started to question their gender identity.

‘I’ve been aware of this since I was a really young child – something just didn’t feel right and I couldn’t see myself as a girl or a woman,’ they explain.

‘If we’d discussed these kinds of things when I was at school, it could have changed the way I thought about myself back then.’

Having a school community which is ‘supportive and accepting’ of children’s identities is incredibly important says Emma, a former English teacher.

It’s one of the reasons why they started working for young people’s charity Just Like Us around two years ago – which they called a ‘dream job’.

‘Celebrate being LGBT’

‘We describe ourselves as the charity for LGBT+ young people, and we want them to see that being LGBT+ is something to be celebrated,’ explains Emma, who is the director of education for the charity.

‘We work directly with pupils, and primary and secondary educators to do this.’

In their day-to-day job, Emma communicates with schools and their staff to help build relationships, arrange talks and raise awareness of the charity’s work. Much of the work has been online only during the coronavirus pandemic.

They say that ‘there are so many big differences’ educators can make to young people’s lives if they move to be inclusive.

‘We had a member of school staff who sent us a really lovely email after one of our school talks about LGBT+ inclusion,’ Emma recalls. ‘It gave young people the chance to open up and ask questions, and after the talk she came out to her students.

‘I’m so happy it created the right moment for that to happen, and we want to support schools to make these open environments so staff and students feel comfortable to come out – if they want to, of course.’

Meanwhile, another student felt comfortable enough to open up to a teacher about instances of homophobic bullying after a similar talk from Emma.

To raise further awareness, Just Like Us also runs a School Diversity Week at the end of June, during Pride Month.

‘Things are getting better’

‘It’s all about celebration, and recognising their own communities and diversity – and raising awareness of LGBT+ diversity within the school community,’ they explain.

Although Emma thinks ‘things are getting better’ for young LGBT+ people, Just Like Us wants to work with even more pupils across the country.

‘The majority are still not hearing anything – especially in primary school,’ they explain.

It comes after recent research from the charity revealed around half of secondary school pupils say they have received little to zero positive messaging at school about being LGBT+ in the past year.

Emma wants to help more educators become ‘equipped to do this kind of [LGBT+ inclusive] work, and for them to know it’s never too early for it’.

But despite the challenges, they remain positive about the future for young people – as so many more schools are now making an effort to raise awareness of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender communities.

‘The difference is astonishing’

‘It’s incredible – astonishing, actually – when I compare the experience that I had with now, and what some young people are able to experience today,’ Emma adds.

‘One thing which particularly strikes me is how our young people are given a voice. They are now given the agency to play a part in their own education, and the support they receive from their schools.

‘That’s so powerful, and how brilliantly they articulate the education their school needs to give them to talk about how they feel. Lots of schools are fantastic at this and have that student-led approach.

‘LGBT+ young people are out there, and they know what they need.’

Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at webnews@metro.co.uk.

For more stories like this, check our news page.