We Just Can’t Find Enough Boys to Do the Broadway Play

I hope you’re all excited to get rehearsals started. The script is strong, the set designs are amazing, and the whole theatrical community is looking forward to what we’re putting up. There’s only one problem. We just can’t find enough boys to do the Broadway play.

I know. It was a struggle last year too.

But since we don’t have quite enough guys yet, just for today, Bernadette, why don’t you read the waiter’s lines too? Okay, thank you.

And Patti, here, can you take these flyers and pass them around in your building? Maybe someone will want to try out. Tell them not to be shy.

In fact, don’t be shy yourselves. Ask your friends. Ask around. You know what? After rehearsal, Annaleigh and I are headed to the football field to see if any of the team wants to be in the play. I don’t think Coach Daboll would mind. And if the Giants are in rehearsal, too, maybe Mr. Steinbrenner can ask a few athletes. We’ll sing him a few selections from Damn Yankees! Ha ha. Little joke there.

What’s that, Audra?—Absolutely, see if any guys in your yoga class are interested. Thank you!

You all know this, of course, but performing on Broadway is a really fun experience. A lot of boys who try it might be hesitant at first, but when it’s all over, they’re excited to do it again next year.

That’s a good idea, Kelli. In a pinch, maybe some of our talented stagehands or tech crew would like to “double up” and take a role. Let me talk to IATSE about that.

Look, I won’t lie: we chose a very male-heavy show this time around, so we’ve got lots of roles to fill. So it’s come one, come all. Any boy who’d like to give Broadway a shot. Or familiar faces, of course. Sutton, maybe your brother could come back?… Stephanie, did you ask your husband?

Speaking of which, now, you didn’t hear this from me… but if any boys you know are on the fence… remind them that theater is a great way to meet girls. Only if you’re comfortable, of course.

Donna just asked an excellent question. No, they don’t need to have acted before. Just as long as they’re willing to learn.

Was your hand up, Phillipa?—Oh, you know someone? Fantastic! No, no, he can do both. We’ll work around his insurance job. Just let me get his conflicts.

The good news is that I’ve spoken to someone in the mayor’s office, and tomorrow, they’ll read an announcement on the subway. Ruthie has a friend who does newspapers, who’s asked Mr. Sulzberger to put a bulletin in the Times. So that’s a start.

I think we’re making progress already. We have heard from a bunch of NYU fellas, they’ve got some stage experience. Let’s see… one’s in improv, one does a cappella… “special skills: sleight of hand magic”… I just don’t know if they’re leads. Love the enthusiasm, though.

Anyway. Like I said, let all your guy friends know they’re welcome. There’s an interest meeting in the second-floor rehearsal room after work on Thursday. Jessie’s bringing snacks.