Grandpa Racist Toward Country That No Longer Exists

PITTSBURGH—Citing the 87-year-old’s allegations that Prussian immigrants were destroying the fabric of his neighborhood and responsible for all the crime in town, a local family reported Wednesday that their grandfather Steve Bierko appeared to be racist against a country that no longer exists. “He keeps calling these people ‘cabbage eaters’ and claims they’re poisoning America, but I don’t know if people are even coming here from Prussia anymore,” said granddaughter Amanda Henner, adding that Bierko blamed workers from a country that hasn’t existed for 77 years for stealing all the good-paying bricklaying jobs and butcher jobs in the Pittsburgh area. “Grandpa is always going on about how they should round up the Prussian immigrants and send them back to the Baltic swamps. Is that where Prussia was? He even got suspicious of my boyfriend just because his name is Carl. He said he smells like herring.” At press time Bierko was complaining that Prussian propaganda was the only reason people love Babe Ruth so much.

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