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A new Superman movie directed by James Gunn is now in theaters. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is Superman about? A: Superman trying to reconnect with his roots by opening a Kryptonian restaurant in a skeptical Midwestern town. Q: What is the film’s run time? A: Five […]

MILWAUKEE—Calling the effort a long overdue attempt to address the city’s checkered history, Milwaukee officials announced Friday that they had removed the iconic riverfront Fonzie statue amid an ongoing reckoning with the town’s greaser past. “In the year 2025, no one should be celebrating the dark era in this city when motorcycles, leather jackets, and necking dominated […]

An Australian woman was found guilty of murdering three of her estranged husband’s relatives by serving them beef Wellington laced with death‑cap mushrooms. What do you think?

CHICAGO—As a singer made her way onto the field to kickoff another home game with “The Star-Spangled Banner,” White Sox public address announcer Gene Honda politely reminded fans Tuesday to remove the Polish sausages from their mouths during the national anthem. According to spectators, Honda told the crowd to “Please rise and kindly remove any tubed […]

An AI-generated impostor posing as Secretary of State Marco Rubio contacted foreign ministers, a U.S. senator, and a governor, raising alarms as the technology becomes more accessible. What do you think?

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to avoid humiliating themselves in front of their fellow conservatives, elected officials in Texas used a burner email to request funds from the Federal Emergency Management Agency following last week’s devastating floods, sources reported Thursday. “I set up an anonymous account, floodmoney@hotmail.com, and shamefully requested more than $70 million in disaster […]

GOP lawmakers in the House and Senate officially passed Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” including provisions that slashed funding for public health care programs by more than $1 trillion. The Onion examines the pros and cons of these steep cuts to Medicaid. PRO Will finally motivate poor Americans who’ve been putting off becoming billionaires Fewer people […]

WASHINGTON—A warm rush pulsing through his body as he stared at the clean white feathers that covered the rendering of his body, something forbidden reportedly stirred deep within President Donald Trump on Thursday after he saw a political cartoon depicting him as a chicken. White House sources confirmed that Trump barked, “Out, everybody out,” to […]

CHICAGO—Shedding light on how technology increasingly shapes everyday life, a study published Thursday by the American Journal Of Sociology revealed that the average American dedicates 97% of their day to retrieving six-digit validation codes. “Our findings suggest that U.S. residents spend roughly 23 hours each day—or 160 hours every week—attempting to log in to online services, being told they need to […]