Of Course We’re Going to Keep Feeding the Grizzly Bear
Look, this is not up for debate. We’re going to keep feeding the grizzly bear.
Sure, he may not protect us in any tangible sense. In fact, sometimes he hurts us. But that’s just how the cookie crumbles.
The thing is, the grizzly bear has always been there. We’ve always been feeding him, and there really is no good reason to stop doing that.
Oh, he’s getting increasingly violent? He keeps attacking strangers for no discernible reason? First of all, I don’t know about that. Second of all, that’s not our problem. What the bear does after we feed him has nothing to do with us. That’s his business.
“Feeding the grizzly bear is so expensive,” you say. “That money could be put toward all sorts of better causes.”
Listen, a budget is a budget, and it can’t be changed. Unless we want to devote more money to feeding the grizzly bear, in which case the budget must be changed.
You see, this is the natural order of things. This is how the world works. We give unlimited support to a rabid grizzly bear, and when the grizzly bear threatens us and everyone around him, we give him more food.
Some people say that we should cut ties with the grizzly bear. Some even claim that because we have been feeding him for so long, we are just as culpable as the grizzly bear.
Let’s clear a few things up. This grizzly bear has done nothing wrong. More importantly, we can’t be held responsible for all the horrible things this grizzly bear has done.
Partnerships are about mutual benefit. In this partnership, we give the bear food, and in return, the bear goes on a murderous rampage. If you can’t understand the value in that, I don’t know what to tell you.
Did you ever stop to consider how the grizzly bear feels about all of this? To demand that we stop feeding him, that we don’t let him attack people—that’s really quite mean. You ought to take a long, hard look in the mirror. How could you be so callous? The grizzly bear is delicate and deserves better.
And another thing—wait, hold that thought, I have to go. The bear is growling again.