Man Wearing ‘I Vorted’ Sticker Beginning To Worry That Wasn’t Legitimate Polling Place

HARRISBURG, PA—Pursing his lips while he examined the “I Vorted” sticker displayed on his jacket, local man Doug Matney was beginning to worry Tuesday that the place where he had cast his ballot wasn’t a legitimate polling site. “I was headed into the community center, but then this woman out front directed me to the building three doors down, which, now that I really look at it, seems to be an abandoned warehouse,” said Matney, noting that he began to have suspicions about the authenticity of the polling station when he saw that the American flag displayed inside had only a handful of stars but hundreds of stripes. “A person inside handed me a ballot that was long and skinny like a grocery store receipt. After I filled it out, a shirtless guy told me to feed it into the voting machine, which was just a hole in the floor where he’d torn up a wood plank. He made computer sounds while I did it, and then all the poll workers screamed, ‘Congratulations!’ Dang, now I’m wondering if a few of them weren’t even election officials.” Matney told reporters that his concerns about the location’s legitimacy were assuaged somewhat by a worker who promised to authenticate his vote in exchange for $40.

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