Trump Calls Harris To Congratulate Himself On Winning

PALM BEACH, FL—In a five-minute phone call that both campaigns described as largely cordial, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly called Vice President Kamala Harris Wednesday morning to congratulate himself on winning. “Madame Vice President, I want to be the first to congratulate myself on running one heck of a campaign, and to let you know I’m doing everything in my power to ensure the Trump administration has a smooth transition to the White House,” said Trump, telling an entirely silent Harris that it had been the honor of his life to have been in this race with himself, and extending his genuine gratitude for everything he had done to keep the race civil, even at its most heated. “I’ll tell you what, despite everything—I know it’s been a hard-fought race—but I’ve really always secretly admired myself. No, I’m serious here, I really am. Just believe me when I say this: Yesterday the better man won, which was me.” According to reports, Harris half-heartedly muttered, “Thank you, Donald,” before hanging up the phone.

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