Rules from Claire’s Employee Handbook
1. You have to use the piercing gun. No matter how many times the customers say they have seen The Parent Trap, they will scream in the store if you use a needle, which will scare the other customers.
2. There is no limit on keychains per customer. We have corrected this misconception. It seems an employee instituted a limit because they personally felt it necessary, but no such limit exists.
3. Do not let customers with Auntie Anne’s pretzel bags touch any faux fur items (THIS INCLUDES BELTS). We cannot get that grease out, and the items become unfit for sale.
4. Please let men in the store buying rings know that their fiancées can tell the difference between cubic zirconia and diamonds. It will save us a return later.
5. As a policy, we have a no-tester rule (THIS INCLUDES BELTS), so someone does not need to remove packaging from any item. You will have to say this multiple times to some mothers.
6. We are waiting to hear from legal on whether there’s anything racist about a panda who’s good at math, so until we hear back on that, please pull all Pandi items from the shelves (especially nail polish).
7. If we are hiring, you must give a job application to anyone who requests one, even if you think their shoes are “tacky” (this reminder is mainly for our Wednesday evening workers).
8. Do not publicize this, but it is Claire’s official position not to prosecute any customers who shoplift items from the journal and/or notebooks section. I repeat, let sad girls who steal journals just have them.
9. Your employee discount gets you: 50 percent off Goth, 25 percent off Punk, 3 percent off Princess, 50 percent off Prep, 15 percent off Sporty-Chic, 22 percent off Sexy Cat, 12 percent off Kawaii Librarian, 70 percent off Dystopian World Leader, 45 percent off Adventurous with Boobs, 61 percent off Agnostic Lawyer, 80 percent off Lil’ Lesbian, 55 percent off Glitter Hippie, 28 percent off NASCAR Catholic, 18 percent off HGTV Diva, 54 percent off Sexy Activist, 12 percent off Sarcastic Artist, and 95 percent off Belts. All the items in the store fit into one of these categories. If you cannot figure out which category an item belongs to, please ask a shift manager to help you.
10. Please check inside the purses at the end of your shift (evening employees only). Someone has been putting notes of encouragement in them again, and they range from too specific to be helpful to aggressive enough to be upsetting.
11. Employees must follow the dress code of five accessories per day, with a pair of earrings counting as ONE accessory. Accessories can include rings, headbands, necklaces, earrings, scrunchies, bracelets, watches, hair clips, belts, and nail jewelry (if big enough). Things that are NOT accessories: lanyards, pencils (even if Claire’s made), glasses (unless fake), eyebrow rings, fake eyelashes, anklets, name tags, pictures of your dog, shoelaces, pocket calculators, pen clips, buttons/pins (this is not Chili’s), live birds, food items, vests (no matter how small) body chains, or feathers.
12. Dating is allowed and even encouraged among employees (this seems to promote sales somehow), but a reminder to employees involved in relationships: If you are buying a gift for your significant other, only ONE employee discount may be applied. There is NO situation where both employees’ discounts may be applied to a single item (except perhaps all Pandi merchandise; we will inform you of this change if/when it occurs).
13. Please use your call buttons if you see something suspicious in the store. This includes but is not limited to anyone wearing “sports” paraphernalia, men, dogs by themselves, known Limited Too employees, people wearing genuine leather, or any kind of bird.
14. If any questions/issues arise that are not covered in the Handbook, please ask a shift manager or leave a comment in the employee suggestion box outside the office. Remember to ONLY attach it to the door with a unicorn sticker (next to the box) if it is an urgent matter.
—Claire’s