Secretary Of Interior Asks Nation’s Help Identifying Leaf

WASHINGTON—Mounting a public campaign in an effort to determine the origin of the unrecognized foliage specimen, Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland asked the nation for help Friday in identifying a leaf that she confirmed was “from a tree or something” but remained a mystery otherwise. “Have you seen this leaf before?” read a post on the secretary’s official Instagram account, requesting anyone who had seen the leaf before to contact a special Interior Department hotline, day or night, with any information that might lead to its successful identification. “None of us have, but operators are standing by to receive your tips on whether you think it’s from a tree, from a bush, or maybe some kind of ivy. It’s crinkly and has veins in it, so we know it’s not grass. Does grass even have leaves? Anyhow, we’re thinking oak or maple, but those are just shot-in-the-dark guesses, to be honest.” At press time, the department confirmed it had closed its investigation into the leaf after distracted officials confirmed there were some pretty cool rocks over there.

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