Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner

BOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside sat down to dinner. “They all seem so happy,” said Richmond, his wrinkled, naked pate offering no protection from the cold night air as he watched the smiling clan prepare for a meal by tucking their long, luxurious locks behind their ears. “Oh my! They’ve got pompadours, bouffants, bangs: hairstyles as far as the eye can see. Why, they’ve probably never even heard of a comb-over. And oh, look, even the dogs have perfectly shampooed and volumized fur.” According to reports, a mournful Richmond then tore his eyes away from the scene as the family began giving each other blowouts and loudly reminiscing about their favorite trips to the barbershop.

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