Heartbroken Man Realizes He Only Loved Idea Of Fried Egg On Burger

KNOXVILLE, TN—After a disappointing lunch that shattered his romanticized view of the topping, heartbroken local man Vince Salazar stated Monday that he now understood he had only ever loved the idea of a fried egg on a hamburger. “I thought the sunny-side up burger upgrade was what I really wanted, but I’ve come to see that I fell for a glamorized flavor profile that was never going to make me happy,” said Salazar, who explained that he had fetishized what it would be like to have an ooey-gooey yolk poured over his beef patty and allowed to soak into his bun, never truly appreciating what made a burger great in the first place. “In a lot of ways, it’s society’s fault for perpetuating the myth of an idealized fried egg burger and bombarding you with these messages about how amazing it will be if you order one. Because that’s just not true. In reality, you can’t force a new topping onto your burger and expect everything to be perfect. It has to happen organically.” At dinnertime, reports confirmed a newly smitten Salazar was telling anyone who would listen about how guacamole was the burger ingredient he had been looking for all along. 

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