Pros And Cons Of U.S. Withdrawing From NATO

President Trump has threatened to pull out of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, calling the military alliance a “paper tiger.” The Onion examines the pros and cons of withdrawing from NATO.

PRO

U.S. can finally join Warsaw Pact

Would free up time to join something more fun, like the International Pickleball Federation

Won’t have to defend Greenland against ourselves.

Can finally delete WhatsApp

Will make the eventual makeup alliance even hotter

CON

Can no longer hide behind military might of Luxembourg

Total redesign of NATO coffee mugs

Lose 10% member discount on stroopwafels

Learned what “Article 5” was for nothing

Probably never getting that phone charger back from Romania

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