Daters are rejecting “chill” culture and demanding something new: “chalance”

Online dating profiles always cycled through similar phrases of people defining what or who they are looking for. A new trending word has recently taken the spotlight in the form of a request for "chalance."

Daters have embraced chalance as shorthand for sincere investment and real enthusiasm; basically, the opposite of low-effort vibes.

The word appeared across dating app profiles as if everyone suddenly remembered they wanted to be treated like a priority. Instead of shrugging off romance, many singles stated they preferred partners who showed up, made plans, and actually cared. 

The term, which is technically not a real word (yet), worked as a playful antonym to "nonchalance." Posts about the topic spread fast on social media, and soon people treated the phrase like a manifesto for genuine effort.

What does "chalance" mean on dating apps?

“Effort is having a moment,” said Moe Ari Brown, a relationship expert who works for Hinge, in an article by Cosmopolitan. That line summed up the era perfectly.

Moreover, a recent report from the app cited a major spike in searches for the word, noting that "In 2025, search interest in the word 'chalant' [...] skyrocketed 217%, as more people longed to feel energy from potential partners."

To be chalant means messaging back quickly, remembering small preferences, and making concrete plans. It means not playing games or treating interest like a secret. A partner who practiced chalance remembers your favorite seafood spot and books it without being asked.

Although the term thrived in dating spaces first, it also appeared in broader social conversations. If someone felt thrilled, they showed it instead of pretending to be immune to joy. That unapologetic energy appealed to people tired of pretending indifference.

Why daters adopted the chalance trend

Brown noted that for many daters, especially women who date men, effort itself felt like a love language. In fact, Hinge found that “84 percent of women find a well-planned date more impressive than a pricey one.” Consequently, asking for chalance aligned with wanting intention and care, not extravagance.

"In this day and age, chalancing somebody means planning an activity date," Brown said. "Chalance is tailored to the relationship; it’s not about showing effort in every direction—it’s about a unique, authentic dating experience." Furthermore, Brown explained that it "is a placeholder for behaviors that we want to see without having the language for it."

In a recent TikTok, Celine Pham (@theoutfitdiary) argued that the internet’s love affair with "chill" culture has gone too far. She said, "The increased demand for yearning is directly correlated with the rise of nonchalance," noting she sees "at least one TikTok complaining about how no one yearns anymore" every day. In her view, people avoid effort because "everyone’s afraid of trying at the risk of being cringe."

This mindset, she explained, spills into dating. According to her, "god forbid you actually show a girl that you like her," which leaves girls looking for romance in fiction instead. But she didn’t place blame on one group alone, adding that "the girlies aren't innocent" either, since mocking effort "is really a lose-lose situation."

@theoutfitdiary bring back chalance!!! #dating #yearning #grwm #grwmmakeup #yapsession #creatorsearchinsights ♬ original sound - celine pham

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