“Most terrible lesson I had to learn”: Psychiatrist says this overlooked behavior could signal a personality disorder

A psychiatrist on TikTok is going viral for explaining how “limerence” can sometimes be a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD).

In his video, Professor Ahmed Hankir breaks down how this intense attachment style is frequently misread as infatuation or “romantic obsession,” but may actually stem from early attachment wounds and emotional instability.

Limerence describes an all consuming, obsessive fixation on one person even if the object of obsession is unavailable or not interested.

“They become the centre of your universe even if they are dismissive, abusive, or rude,” Professor Ahmed Hankir explained. The behavior is a symptom of BPD that Hankir said is one of the “least known but most painful” features of the disorder that affects 1.6% of US adults according to conservative estimates.

Sufferers can be plagued by intrusive thoughts about a specific relationship, euphoric emotional highs and devastating lows, intense anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

Hankir advised social media users to seek professional help if they’re experiencing any of these debilitating symptoms. 

The video resonated with people who have experienced limerence as a symptom of BPD. Commenters emphasized the severity of the behavior and echoed that awareness is everything when it comes to managing BPD and understanding limerence. 

"Awareness is the first step toward healing"

“Have you ever been so obsessed with someone that your entire world revolves around them, even when they ignore you or hurt you?" Hankir asked in the clip from Oct. 21, 2025, "That might not just be love. It could be limerence.” 

Hankir described the intensity of attachment brought on by limerence: “You idealise them, idolise them and put them on a pedestal. You crave their validation like oxygen, and even the smallest bread crumb of attention feels euphoric.”

He explained the fixation is often directed at someone who ignores or neglects you. “Limerence is thought to stem from early attachment wounds. Many people with BPD describe having an inconsistent or emotionally absent caregiver… As adults, they unconsciously recreate that dynamic, chasing people who replicate that same emotional distance, desperately trying to earn the love they never consistently received.”

Hankir said although “the pain can be so intense and overwhelming that it feels unbearable,” there’s hope. BDP sufferers can heal through dialectical behavioral therapy where they learn to regulate emotions and rebuild a sense of self. “True healing starts when your world begins to revolve around you again.”

@profahmedhankir Limerence — the hidden heartbreak of BPD. ???? Awareness is the first step toward healing. #BPD #MentalHealthAwareness #Psychology #TraumaHealing #DBT ♬ Last Hope - Steve Ralph

The video sparked vulnerable responses

Commenters shared experiences with BPD. Many agreed with Hankir that limerence is the most painful symptom of the disorder. Others shared what it’s like to be the object of a BPD sufferer’s obsession.

“i have borderline personality disorder and i agree this has got to be the worst, most painful thing to go through.”

“I got fired from a job over Limerance… truly most terrible lesson I had to learn. ????”

“Yeah, but the high of getting attention from the person you’re obsessive over is like nothing else, I miss that so much.”

A commenter who described the devastating scenario from the perspective of the object of obsession said, “It's like living with a stalker that you know can snap at any moment. Residential treatment including dialectical therapy did nothing to stop her. Now we live knowing she can resurface at any moment.”

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