The government shutdown means many government workers are without pay for the holidays and that the Violence Against Women Act is expired. But NORAD’s still tracking Santa, and Melania Trump’s still down to help for a few minutes or so.
As we tick down the final gasping seconds of 2018, it’s only natural to ask, “What fresh horrors will the year of our Lord 2019 bring, and how can we possibly we face them without a new ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’?” But in anticipation of those anxieties, Rihanna has gifted us the promise of an album.
Because time is either not real or too real, the little boy from Spy Kids is now old enough to be married to Meghan Trainor.
Look, it’s been a week. The government is shut down over a useless, multi-billion dollar wall, and the 90210 cast is going to reunite without Dylan and Brenda, which is also utterly pointless. But here’s a nice story for a change.
First radio stations got too soft to play “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” the holiday classic that’s either about sexual liberation or a drugged cocktail, and now Miley’s gone and ruined the lyrics to “Santa Baby,” everyone’s other favorite Christmas-centric sex ditty.