Boundaries are your best friend!
By Sonia Salfity,
Desperate Dieter
You would make sure to clear your schedule when your best friend calls you even if it isn’t convenient on your busy calendar.
This should be the case as we welcome our boundaries with open arms not begrudgingly, but because life is better when they’re around! Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
Be very specific when setting your boundaries so there’s no confusion as to what they mean.
For example instead of saying “Stay clear of unhealthy foods.” you might specify “Stay clear of white flour and sugar”.
You might even go further and define what “Stay Clear” means. For some of us it might mean zero amounts for others it might mean minimal amounts. Boundaries only work if you work them! You can set the best boundaries anyone ever heard of, but if you never abide by them, then what’s the use of having them?
Make a list of what life is like without boundaries and be specific about how you feel without them. For example, without boundaries I overeat, oversleep and don’t move enough. This causes me to feel physically sluggish not to mention the impending mental brain fog. Add depression to the list and it’s a downward spiral from there.
Make a list of what life is like with boundaries and how you feel when you stick to them. When I commit to following my boundaries I have more energy, more self esteem, mental clarity and a desire to do things with my friends and family. Decide ahead of time that you’ll stick to your boundaries even when you don’t feel like it. This will take practice because each of us Desperate Dieters is in the position we’re in due to ignoring our boundaries.
We have become experts at making all sorts of excuses as to why we’re veering off track. It’s either someone’s birthday or someone’s ‘special recipe’ or disappointing news we just received.
Well, I have news for you: Every day is someone’s birthday and everyday there’s a special occasion and everyday you will hear some disappointing news.
If you can’t train yourself how to better deal with these occasions in ways other than food, then you might as well start digging your grave.
I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this the reality we all must face. Boundaries are your guardrails that keep you on target to accomplish your goals. When our children were young, we always asked for guardrails to be used in our lane when we went bowling.
They were boundaries that were placed to help force the bowling ball to reach the pins which was our goal.
Once our children improved their bowling skills, we were able to remove the rails. The more you stick to your boundaries the more your guardrails will remain firm in place ready to help you reach your health and wellness goals.
The only difference for us is that we will have to accept the fact that we’ll always need these boundaries for the rest of our lives. Otherwise we risk getting back to where we started.
Don’t compare your boundaries with someone else’s.
We are all unique and differ in so many ways including the temptations we struggle with.
My weakness might be my favourite chocolate bar or a slice of hot, fresh pizza. Another friend can resist those but falls prey whenever she’s near ice cream.
Therefore, beware of wishing you could switch places with someone else because they could be fighting another battle that you’re not aware of. Some of these include anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.
The grass may look greener on the other side but don’t be fooled by appearances!
Setting healthy boundaries doesn’t always have to be food related. Sometimes it’s setting boundaries that guard our time. If we don’t know how to say ‘No’ to some things then we will never be able to say ‘Yes’ to life-giving experiences.
Taking care of ourselves will demand more of our time which means we’ll have to let go of things that fill our calendars and which zap our emotional and mental energy.
Don’t be afraid to look at your calendar and decide ahead of time what you can remove. Start with the things that deplete you and don’t bring you joy.
I would like to urge you to take the time to figure out what healthy boundaries you need to set for yourself both in the food and time department.
Here’s to focusing on the joy of wellness one boundary at a time, one day at a time!
Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine