I’m having sex with a much younger man but I hate it when he chats up other women

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having secret sex with a much younger man I work with and I love having him in my life, but I am being driven wild with jealousy.

I am a 45-year-old single woman. My colleague is 24. We have worked together for more than two years and always got on. He asked me if I wanted to go for a drink one night after work to celebrate his promotion.

I was taken aback as I thought he would be embarrassed to be seen with me outside of work. We had a good time and then we had a small hug as we left one another and that was it.

We continued our friendship over the next few weeks at work, had drinks a couple of times and a few messages here and there outside of the office, but nothing else until he suggested we go to a restaurant one evening.

This time we ended up having sex. It was so good. I told him that I wouldn’t want to carry on if he was meeting or seeing other girls for sex as well as me. He was a bit shocked that I would think of him like that.

I kind of knew that about him already but I needed to let him know if he did want to meet other girls for sex then that would be fine as it has got nothing to do with me, but I wouldn’t want to be a part of that.

I’m starting to think about him a lot outside of work and I wish I didn’t. When a female colleague his age chats to him I feel sick with anxiety. He says she is just a friend and I know I am being pathetic. I love what we share but I wish that I wasn’t becoming so attached to him.

I don’t know how to step back from this because I love having him in my life.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is flattering to have a much younger guy fancy you and relationships can work in spite of a big age gap. My e-leaflet Age Gaps – Do They Matter? will help you get some perspective.

The real problem is that you are falling for this guy but need to find out whether he still sees you as simply a colleague with occasional sex thrown in.
If you tell him how you feel at least then you will know where you stand.

Why does your relationship have to be so secret? Is he prepared to be open about it? You’d feel more confident then and you are not doing anything wrong.

Even if you don’t go public – maybe any relationships between colleagues are frowned on at your workplace – the problem is your insecurity, not your lover’s other workmate innocently chatting to him.

Has your trust been damaged in the past – are you scared history will repeat itself? My e-leaflet Dealing With Jealousy explains self-help tactics.

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