I’ve just found out my wife had an affair for years before leaving me for lover

DEAR DEIDRE: IN what has really knocked me for six, I’ve just found out that my wife had been having an affair for months, if not years, before she left me and that she now lives with her lover.

We were together for 23 years and have two kids aged 17 and 16. I’m 52 and she is 49.

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I’ve just found out my wife of 23 years had an affair for years before we split[/caption]

My wife left me with the kids and they are much happier now. Looking back, we were all unhappy for a long while.

She’d constantly lie and the kids and I kept catching her out. I couldn’t face up to what was happening so I didn’t let myself believe that the woman I fell in love with would cheat. It seemed so out of character.

I thought I was getting over it until I discovered that her lover lives with her.

This is the reason the kids don’t get invited round there. I feel betrayed and stupid.

I can’t believe how bad it has made me feel. It’s like I’m living our relationship all over again, wondering where I went wrong.

I still can’t comprehend how she could leave the kids to live with someone else.

Why do I feel so bad all of a sudden just because I have found out?

DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe you had a chink of hope until now that you and your wife could get back together and fulfil the dreams you always had of a happy family life.

Learning that she has had this lover all along is like the final nail in the coffin.

Your marriage and united family are definitely over.

Grieve that loss and you can start to heal. My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart will help you find somewhere to offload it all.

It’s important your children should see their mum regularly and not be burdened by your hurt.

Encourage them to see her regularly.

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