Finding my wife was cheating was bad enough, but doing it with my brother has broken me
DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out my wife was cheating and having sex in our bedroom was bad enough, but discovering my brother is the other man has broken me.
My wife and I were school sweethearts. We’re now both 42.
My brother is 38 and single. He has always been a real charmer.
We are chalk and cheese; he’s all about socialising and seems very confident whereas I’m very happy in my own company.
He and my wife both work for my cousin’s property business. I’m a builder. When my wife hit 40, she changed.
She became high maintenance overnight, spending hundreds every month on her nails, hair, tanning and Botox.
But none of this seemed to be for my benefit.
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She wasn’t interested in spending time with me, instead going out at every opportunity with her friends — or at least that’s what she told me.
She started doing yoga and running in her spare time — she looked great. But still she wasn’t bothered by what I thought and always had an excuse to not have sex.
I started to get suspicious when I noticed she was permanently attached to her phone.
She never left it unattended — not even when she went to the toilet –– and seemed to be messaging someone constantly.
One day, I got a really bad headache at work and went home at lunchtime.
Pulling into my drive, I was surprised to see my wife’s car outside the house. As soon as I stepped inside I heard movement upstairs. Before I had even got to the top of the stairs my brother emerged, flustered and red-faced, out of our bedroom.
I was so shocked but managed to lunge at him. He quickly dodged me and dashed downstairs and out of the door.
My wife emerged moments later. She looked me straight in the eyes and said: “Well, at least you know now.”
That was two weeks ago and we’re still not talking. I’m in the spare room and she’s in our room. We have two young sons and I don’t want to lose them.
I feel so crushed and I’m struggling to see a future.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Many couples get through awful shocks and betrayals like this, but you will both need to talk it through and face up to what has been missing in your relationship.
If for no other reason, it’s worth trying again for the sake of your two children.
Your brother sounds like he wouldn’t be the type to settle down so it’s unlikely your wife saw a future with him.
Please read my support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? which explains how to rebuild your relationship and where to get help.