My son’s controlling ex is using their children against him and causing so much upset

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE splitting up with his partner, my son is ­having issues with her controlling behaviour when it comes to their two children.

She dictates when he sees them, when he can have them to stay and even where he can take them on holiday.

My son is 38 and his ex is 36. They were together for 12 years and have two little boys.

His ex has always been difficult and self-centred but I never thought she would use the children against my son.

He was in tears on the phone the other night because she refused to let him have the boys on his birthday.

It had all been agreed weeks ago, but she changed her mind at the last minute because they had been invited to her friend’s baby’s christening.

I am 68. As their grandad I am also missing out because his ex won’t let them stay with me either.

I know the boys are missing out and it makes me feel so angry.

I hate the fact that my son is so upset and feels powerless.

Is there any way that he can be awarded legal access without incurring all the costs of a court battle?

He doesn’t know which way to turn.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your son’s ex is selfish and using the children as pawns. Keeping them from you and your son is cruel, unfair and very damaging for them.

Your son needs to tell his ex he wants the best for them, and mediation will help them find a workable compromise.

National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk, 0300 4000 636) is usually quicker and more cost-effective than going to court, which can be stressful for everyone.

Also contact Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363), who can help.

In the meantime, my support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more about kids’ feelings and needs in these situations.