These Tweets About Husbands And Boyfriends As Dog Breeds Will Have You Howling
Talk about putting a guy in the dog house.
Lately, there’s been a lot of discussion about the “golden retriever boyfriend” ― a friendly, enthusiastic and supportive romantic partner who doesn’t overthink things too much.
Though the concept has been around for a few years, it’s been getting increased attention due to Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelce, the Kansas City Chiefs player a lot of people think embodies the GRB type.
I find Taylor Swift highly relatable because I too wasted years of my life pining after unavailable British men only to discover that an American Golden Retriever boyfriend is where it's at.
— Maureen Lee Lenker (@themaureenlee) November 17, 2023
Now, a controversial tweet has people riffing (or should we say ruff-ing?) on the idea of boyfriends and husbands as different dog breeds.
A viral screenshot from TikToker VivianKKJ showed a shirtless man overlaid with the words, “I don’t have a golden retriever husband, I have a German [shepherd] husband. He’s not energetic or super friendly but he’s loyal. He doesn’t like strangers and he calls me on my bullshit.”
The image also listed other supposed German shepherd husband traits, including “would bite anyone who tried to hurt me,” providing “tough love,” and “loving his ‘people’ more than anything.”
On Wednesday, podcaster Josh Lekach tweeted the image and added his own questionable take, claiming that this kind of man is what “ALL women” want, provided they “aren’t on birth control.” (Some studies have suggested hormonal birth control can influence who women find attractive, though other research has called those findings into question.)
The image and tweet were not especially accurate about actual German shepherds, let alone what “ALL” women want. But they did inspire some pretty funny responses.
Some chimed in with their thoughts on what a “German shepherd husband” might really be like.
As someone who lives with a German Shepard your husband has one brain cell that works part time, complains about everything, has intense separation anxiety and cries constantly. https://t.co/14y3Ws4LAK
— TATIANNA (tatsi) ???? (@tatsilienau) December 9, 2023
I have a german shepherd husband. he is terrified of nail clippers
— birdie (@mydeardaroga) December 8, 2023
Things a German shepherd husband would actually do
— Sarra Sedghi (@SarraSedghi) December 9, 2023
- fart when I ignore his whines begging for eggs
- routinely whack his favorite thing somewhere he can’t reach it and then just stare at me
- cry because the cat doesn’t love him
- cuddly out of jealousy pic.twitter.com/SMLpSc0JMB
Sadly, due to selective breeding, German Shepherd husbands disproportionately suffer from IBD, anal furunculosis, and degenerative myelopathy ???? https://t.co/QKy6nAjjol
— O.???????? (@OwenPRees) December 9, 2023
he is also prone to hip dysplasia due to inbreeding and works closely with the police https://t.co/5FhmaUxypy
— spike ✡ (@spikeeinbinder) December 9, 2023
X, formerly Twitter, was also rife with people pointing out the absurdity of the entire concept by exploring what other dog breeds might look like as “husbands.”
i dont have a golden retriever husband, i have a yorkie husband. he is small and barks and lashes out at everyone and everything because he is terrified all the time https://t.co/MUfvzreKXT
— tracy clayton jr the 3rd (@brokeymcpoverty) December 9, 2023
I actually have a pug husband (inadequate lungs, prone to night terrors, God’s mistake) https://t.co/oZZQq91mdn
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) December 8, 2023
German Shepherd husband? No thanks, I want a Springer Spaniel husband:
— Jane Austen First Drafts (@Austen1stDrafts) December 8, 2023
- uncomfortable in crowds
- constant eye contact
- follows you wherever you go
- jumps into random lakes at a moment’s notice pic.twitter.com/mY9wsBcF02
i have a husky husband (really annoying)
— mick jagger (@mickoatmilk) December 8, 2023
italian whippet husband. he's always trembling, nervous and anxious constantly, can't go outside in the cold. https://t.co/X1rEl213e9
— Ph.D Hot Priest Media Studies (@itsRanya) December 8, 2023
I have a dachshund husband. His legs are 6 inches long and his chest drags on the floor when he walks ????
— een (@eeny_bean) December 8, 2023
i don’t have a golden retriever boyfriend, he’s a chihuahua: always nervous and shivering, will not hesitate to bite you if he’s cornered, loves a crunchwrap supreme https://t.co/TE1Bp81B8P
— david alexander (@DavidADC) December 8, 2023
I don’t have a golden retriever husband, I have a French bulldog husband. he can’t breathe properly, his brain’s too big for his skull, and he will die soon. he’s perfect. https://t.co/JrsUYPDUeE
— Kate Butch (@thekatebutch) December 8, 2023
And finally, a few self-aware souls identified their own personalities as dog breeds.
“Golden retriever husband” “German shepherd husband” i’m this type of husband pic.twitter.com/WatqxAfUZ0
— egirl ☃️ sokolov (puka nacua fan) (@johnnycakes91) December 6, 2023
Me personally I’m a bichon frise (weak joints that pop constantly, crusty, stubborn as hell)
— ezra joseph (@theezrajoseph) December 9, 2023
I am not a golden retriever boyfriend, I am an italian greyhound boyfriend - high maintenance, very nervous, looks great in a turtleneck
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) December 9, 2023
