Injured Sharks captain discusses recent mental health challenges: ‘You have some crazy thoughts’

SAN JOSE – There was a time earlier this fall when San Jose Sharks captain Logan Couture wondered whether his professional career was over at 34 years old.

“I can honestly say two months ago, I would wake up and didn’t know if I was ever going to play in the NHL again,” Couture said Tuesday in his first public comments since the start of camp in mid-September. “It’s something that I thought of many, many days.”

Couture, out with an unspecified lower-body injury since before training camp, endured two setbacks in his attempted recovery. The most recent one in late October forced him off the ice for about a month after he had started to ramp up his on-ice conditioning and appeared to be nearing a return.

“When you’re injured, your mind does some crazy things. There are some crazy thoughts,” Couture said of the mental challenges he faced. “This is my life, and this is what I love to do, and your body doesn’t allow you to do it.”

Couture has had to miss significant time before in his previous 14 years in the NHL, most recently in 2020 when he fractured his ankle in a game against the St. Louis Blues. In Oct. 2015, Couture suffered a fractured fibula at the ankle in practice and needed surgery before he was able to return roughly two months later.

The difference this year is that Couture still doesn’t have a clear idea of when he can play again, having to take each day as it comes. Surgery, he said, was never an option.

Mentally, that has taken a toll.

“That was the toughest part, the unknown,” Couture said. “The waking up one day and feeling good, then waking up the next day and feeling really crappy. Just not knowing there was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no timeline set, just kind of a week-by-week, day-by-day thing.

“Finally knock on wood everything continues to go well and I’m over that hump and things can continue to trend to me getting back to practicing with the guys.”

Couture still hasn’t played this season and there remains no specific timeline for him to rejoin the Sharks for a practice or a game. But he said his physical and mental health is in a better place now than at any point in the last two-plus months.

After about a month off the ice, Couture’s been skating with Sharks development coach Mike Ricci for over a week without any issues. On Tuesday, Couture went on the ice and pushed a little harder, and will now wait to see how his body responds before he and the Sharks’ medical staff decide on the next step.

“At the start, I was trying to do everything I could to get in the lineup,” Couture said. “But ultimately, just taking some time off, resting and rehabbing, was what was going to get me back healthy.

“I’m at the point now where I’m back on the ice skating, albeit just with (Ricci) there, but it’s the first step in trying to get back with the guys here.”

Couture was sorely missed as the Sharks began the season with a 0-10-1 record, tied for the slowest start by any team in NHL history. The Sharks weren’t scoring and couldn’t keep the puck out of their net, and it looked for a while like they might be in the running for the worst season in franchise history.

“Seeing the guys after some of those games, they wore it, and there’s not much you can do from the sidelines,” Couture said. “You can only play cheerleader so much and add your two cents to certain plays, but I wasn’t on the ice.

“When I’m playing and someone’s telling me what I should be doing differently, it goes in one ear sometimes and out the other.”

But since they gave up 10 goals in back-to-back games in early November, and had a meeting with general manager Mike Grier, the Sharks have turned their season around.

Going into Tuesday’s home game with the Winnipeg Jets, the Sharks owned an 8-7-2 record since that winless start, including a 5-2-2 mark since Thanksgiving.

Since the beginning of the month up until Monday night, no NHL team had scored more goals per game than the Sharks (5.20). San Jose’s top two centers have played a big role, as Mikael Granlund, since Nov. 23, has 14 points in nine games, and Tomas Hertl has 12 points in eight games.

The Sharks just finished a 3-2-1 road trip that included dramatic comeback wins over the New York Islanders and Detroit Red Wings, and a near come-from-behind victory over the Vegas Golden Knights. The Sharks lost 5-4 in a shootout to Vegas after they trailed by two goals late in the third period.

“It’s so rewarding now for these guys to play the way that they are,” Couture said. “That road trip was awesome to watch … very proud of a lot of those guys, the way they’ve continued to battle through a lot of adversity, a lot of injuries.

“Even that Vegas game we lost four or five guys throughout that game and I thought we played better than Vegas did. Pretty impressive.”

Now it’s a matter of when Couture can return. He’s going in the right direction.

“I’m proud of the work I’ve put in to get to where I’m at, and I’ve had some great help in that medical room in there,” Couture said. “We’ve reached out to a lot of people in the Bay Area who have helped me, and I feel good right now.”