I was happily married, then my ex got in contact

DEAR DEIDRE: A few months after I got married, my ex got back in touch – now I’ve realised I still love her, and I don’t know what to do.

I’m 32 and my ex is 30. My wife is 33.

My relationship with my ex was on-off for five years. She messed with my head, cheated on me and hurt me, but I was deeply in love, so I kept taking her back.

A year ago, we finally broke up for good. I begged her to reconsider, but said she’d had enough.

Then she blocked me.

I was a mess and it took months to get over her.

Not long after, I started dating online and met my now wife.

We had a whirlwind romance, and within weeks I had asked her to marry me.

She is so different from my ex: Stable, committed, quiet and shy.

But three months after the wedding, my ex got in touch.

She’d heard I’d got married and was hurt at how fast it had happened.

She questioned whether my feelings for her had ever been genuine.

I then realised I’d probably got married on the rebound. I do love my wife, but if I’m honest, she doesn’t compare to my ex.

I haven’t told my wife how I feel, as I don’t want to hurt her.

But I’m acting differently because I can’t stop thinking about my ex, and it’s causing problems in my marriage.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: There’s an old saying, marry at haste, repent at leisure.

But in your case, I don’t think it applies.

Yes, you did get married quickly, but it sounds like your wife is just what you need.

Your ex, however, was bad news. She may have been exciting, but she gave you no stability and she hurt you.

It wasn’t healthy.

See my support pack, Addictive Love, about this type of relationship.

Now she’s questioning your feelings simply because she doesn’t like the thought of you moving on.

You were happy when you didn’t have contact.

Block her and put your efforts and attention into your marriage.

Be honest with your wife. Explain that your ex got in touch and it has unsettled you, but you won’t let it spoil things.