Miss Manners: Our houseguests canceled suddenly and implied we were running a frat party
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’re at a bit of a loss regarding beach house invitation etiquette.
We purchased an eight-bedroom second home with the idea of hosting family, friends and acquaintances throughout the season. We provide 5 p.m. cocktails and casual dinners for anyone wishing to join.
Our idea has been “the more, the merrier” — many of these people have met previously and get along, plus we truly enjoy seeing everyone together. Most guests seem to enjoy themselves immensely and write lovely notes in our guestbook.
But to our surprise, several people have been unhappy to learn they will not be the only guests in the house with us during their stay. In fact, three couples outright canceled, the week before their visits, upon learning it would not be just the four of us alone!
Mind you, there was no apparent dislike of the other houseguests, just a preference for something more “intimate,” it seems.
We do give thought to this, and generally mention who else might be here when people respond to our invitations. But this can change quite a bit, as family fills in openings or friends ask to visit (which we encourage).
Now we’re wondering: Are we doing something ill-mannered or wrong? Do most people expect, when coordinating a vacation home visit, that they will be the sole guests (or kept apprised of the shifting guest list)?
This latest cancellation conveyed the impression that we’re running an extended frat party for adults.
GENTLE READER: It is your house and you can schedule guests however you wish. But yes, some warning is considerate, if for no other reason than to stop your guests from appearing in their dressing gown in front of strangers.
You might say, “We run a sort of college dorm here, inviting all kinds of interesting people to mix and mingle. I hope that suits you.”
If it does not, your guests may take that as a chance to say they will see you another time. If it does, Miss Manners suggests you emphasize that guests must still be invited, lest they take the opportunity to bring along their own college buddies.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Weeks ago, I had a pretty bad accident in front of my neighbors’ front door.
They were outside, and the wife is a former nurse. They offered to drive me to urgent care, because there was no way I was going to be able to drive myself.
I needed about 10 stitches in my hand. They went grocery shopping while I was getting stitched up, then picked me up when it was done.
On the way home, they stopped by a fast-food place that I’m a fan of, and said, “Order whatever you want; it’s on us.”
How do I pay them back?
GENTLE READER: By thanking them profusely in a letter, if not necessarily in chicken nuggets. And by being an exceptionally observant, considerate and helpful neighbor.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.