‘Watch out for holi-dazers’, warns dating expert as singletons target Love Actually and The Holiday fans
FESTIVE fans go Christmas crackers for schmaltzy Hallmark holiday movies.
But the romcoms are sparking a bizarre new seasonal dating trend.
Experts say those looking for long-lasting romance need to be wary of “holi-dazers”.
Rhian Kivits, sex and relationship expert for dating app Fruitz, said: “It’s a manipulative and toxic dating tactic where singletons pull out all the stops to give the impression they’re looking for a ‘forever’ partner, by copying clichéd Hollywood behaviours and actions.
“It’s a combination of the ‘love-bombing’ and ‘future-faking’ trends but with a heady dose of Christmas nostalgia.”
It can be easy to fall into the holi-dazing trap at this time of year when romantic movies set in snowy scenes dominate streaming services.
And it’s also a tricky time of year to be alone, when loved-up couples are sharing cosy evenings and buying each other thoughtful gifts.
Rhian said: “It’s a time of year when people typically seek out a romantic interest. But this year many have been using idyllic festive scenarios played out in our favourite romcoms as a way to win over a prospective partner.
“We all tend to romanticise, but this trend is particularly toxic as it capitalises upon festive and romantic cues that are incredibly familiar and can make you feel like your dreams have come true.”
Rhian warned against being conned — and revealed there are simple warning signs to look out for.
She said: “If someone is coming on too strong and giving over-the-top compliments and romantic gestures, it could be a sign that you are being holi-dazed.
“If their behaviour feels excessive and overly affectionate, it’s worth asking yourself whether it feels genuine or if it is moving too quickly.
“If they are making extreme promises about the future or telling you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them, they could in fact be displaying manipulative behaviour.”
Rhian said a reluctance to introduce you to friends or family can be another warning sign as it indicates they are not serious about securing you as a partner once the the season is over.
Meanwhile, only making plans when it’s convenient for them and exaggerated expressions of love could be signs they’re just looking for something fleeting.
Rhian said: “It’s all about seeing whether their words and affections marry up with their actions.”
The dating guru reckons the best way to find out if you’re being holi-dazed by your date is to call them out on their behaviour.
She said: “It doesn’t have to be confrontational. Do it in a relaxed and humorous way that makes light of the situation.
“Ask them how they would feel about committing to an event or occasion in the future and see how they react.
“You’ll find it incredibly empowering as it puts you in the driving seat and sends a clear signal that you know what you want.
“If they’re right for you, they will reassure you, show commitment, and take stock and accountability, without making you feel uncomfortable.”
And if they’re not right for you — if they become defensive or struggle to commit to long-term plans — it’s time to tell them to jingle all the way away.
But it can be gutting when you meet someone and think there’s a genuine connection only to find out it’s all been a ruse — especially at this time of year.
Rhian said: “The big problem with holi-dazing is that when things fizzle out after the festive season and your love interest ghosts you or withdraws, you could find yourself feeling incredibly let down.
“Nobody wants to spend January nursing a broken heart.”
RED FLAGS
OTHER dating red flags to look out for over the festive period, according to Rhian:
Love bombing: “Commonly used by people with narcissistic tendencies, be careful of anyone who is overly praising you or showering you with compliments. Sometimes this is used as a manipulation tactic to get your trust quickly, ultimately taking control of the relationship.”
Future faking: “When a potential partner starts making grandiose promises about the future that seem to be based on what you desire rather than ideas that are balanced and realistic, it’s a sign that they could simply be trying to instigate a swift attachment by getting your hopes up.”
Breadcrumbing: “Breadcrumbing takes place when the person you are dating gives you snippets of sporadic encouragement to stay engaged or want to continue the relationship, without any real commitment. This commonly takes place in the form of late-night weekend messages with no follow-ups.”
Gaslighting: “A serious red flag to look out for is when someone says things that make you question your own reality, thoughts, feelings and memories. This can cause serious distress and is a manipulative technique used by someone who wants to take full control through emotional abuse.”
Gatekeeping: “Another serious red flag is gatekeeping, the act of withholding information or opportunities from someone else as a way to assert power. This could be in the form of not being honest, failing to introduce you to their friends or family, or in worse circumstances withholding access to money or resources.”