‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas at the corner of Edgar and Dave

Not a free agent was signed, add the last Dodger they waive

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

I asked for a trident, I hope one fits in there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of August ‘23 danced in their heads

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had posted a tweet "Make JP your Cap"

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

It was pitchers mad at Cabby, taking his time as a batter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

To watch Julio hit 17 in 4 games, the guy sure can mash

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Was shining on the Dodgers with Ohtani, Yamamoto and Glasnow

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

Ty France at driveline hoping for to revive his career

With a little old driver so lively and quick,

Please find a DH who can actually use the stick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And one again pitchers somehow rose to fame

Topa Campbell saucedo speier miller woo and Gott

So many I’m sure there’s some I’ve forgot

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Leaps Julio to rob Tatis, it’s the no fly zone after all

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

It was so hard for us all to tell Seawald "Good bye"

So up to the housetop the coursers they flew

It’s actually A’s fans, I’m in support of their coup

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

Tucker the Mariners dog with a cute little "woof"

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

I saw Wong bat as well as someone who had drowned

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

That was Murph who is gone, his M’s career caput

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

Is that Julio next year with a MVP plaque?

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!

Hey Braves hide your coolers for when Jarred gets scary

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

It’s Cal taking a runner down at second what a throw!

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

A first since 2003, all AL West teams beneath!

He had a broad face and a little round belly

A rehabbing Robbie, let’s hope his arm isn’t jelly

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

It was Stanton, I have some words for him, myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

And I knew this off-season was something I’d dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Cutting the payroll and blaming the network

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

A new owner group is what I’d propose

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

Spend money please, enough of this bristle

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

"54 percent wins to all, I’ll see you opening night!"