My husband had an affair because I wouldn’t perform sexual acts he wanted

DEAR DEIDRE: A WOMAN I’d never spoken to told me my husband is filthy in bed and loves doing naughty things with her because I’m “too vanilla”.

Some of the details did fit with his recent requests.

I am so humiliated and don’t feel I can talk to anyone about this.

During the five-minute bombshell phone call, she gloated that they had been seeing each other for six months and he would often have sex with her in the back of his electrician’s work van.

I was so upset that when he came home from work after this devastating conversation, I kicked him out.

The problem is, I let him back in after only one night and now he’s refusing to explain why he strayed.

Three months on, after this awful episode, I put my wedding ring back on, but now I worry it was too soon.

I’m 45 and my husband is 48.

We’ve been married for 19 years and have two children aged 19 and 17.

I still think most days about what he has done. It eats away at me.

I feel that somehow it must be my fault even though we were having regular sex.

The woman he had the affair with did things sexually that I won’t do, which doesn’t help.

I just feel sad inside and can’t tell anyone. It’s too shameful.

My husband has said he wants to renew our wedding vows and start wearing a wedding ring.

But I don’t want him to do these things simply because I asked.

I don’t like being intimate now because I start thinking about him having sex with the other woman.

Occasionally I’ll mention how I feel and he just says, “Here we go again”, as if it is my fault.

I need to talk about it otherwise I doubt I will ever get over it.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right.

You do need to talk about his affair and why he strayed, or you will never get over this as a couple.

He might not want to explain his reasons, for fear of hurting you even more.

But unless he talks, you won’t be able to move forward.

This woman has told you details that may not even be true.

She is obviously bitter enough to want to hurt you so take her version with a pinch of salt.

Equally, don’t be fobbed off by your husband.

You deserve answers.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows how you can be stronger than before.