Deciphering Your Daughter’s “MOM” Texts

Need for opinion on whether or not the outfit looks okay.

Question about whether unrefrigerated leftovers are safe to eat.

Request to check childhood bedroom
for an article of clothing that hasn’t been
worn in at least six years.

Indecision about what to order in a restaurant.

Indignation when you don’t reply to
a “MOM MOM MOM MOM” text
within forty-five seconds.

Sense of abandonment because you missed her call
when she wanted to chat during her ninety-second walk
between two buildings on campus.

Annoyance at your poor boundaries
when you try to call her back sixty seconds
after you saw her call. Don’t you know she
has class at this time?

Desire to triangulate and gossip about
another sibling’s text in the family group chat.

Curiosity after she checks your location
and notices you are not at home or work.
Usually followed by texts in the family group chat
asking other siblings whether they have heard from you.

Anger that other siblings knew about your plans and location.

Near-total loss of life, limb, or property.