When my pregnancy test turned positive, it wasn't the excitement like I see in the movies. I'm OK with that.

• I'm a midwife and recently found out I was pregnant with my first child.
• While I have tons of knowledge about pregnancy, testing was a roller coaster of emotions.
• My experience wasn't like the joyous scenes from movies.

My husband and I first tested on a Friday afternoon. It was four days before my period was due, and the tests we bought touted 99% accuracy up to six days before a missed period. That is, of course, if the egg is fertilized and implants around five days after fertilization — which can occur between 6 and 12 days. We had no idea whether it was too early to test, but something in me told me, "I need to know." 

It was negative — not even a faint line. As a midwife, I knew it was OK to have a glass of wine that night because even if I was pregnant, it was not like anything was attached to my blood supply yet. But I held out hope for the small chance that the test was a false negative.

We decided not to test again until Sunday. After I peed on the stick, there was something in me that just knew it was going to be positive. We walked into the bathroom together, both holding our breath. At first glance, it looked like we had another negative. I shook my head, and my husband started to say something before I interrupted softly: "Wait, do you see it, too?" There was the faintest of lines, and we both stood there surprised, confused, and overwhelmed. 

It wasn't anything like in the movies

We didn't jump up and down, smile, or tear up, as you see in all the commercials and movies. We just threw the test in the trash and decided it was too early to call it — we would save our excitement for another day.

My period was supposed to come on a Tuesday, but nothing happened. I didn't feel the cramps and stirrings in my uterus like I normally did. My breasts were tender and huge — something that had been happening for days — but that always happens before I get my period, though it's, of course, one of the first signs of pregnancy, too. I tested that day, and the faint line we saw previously was now a little bit darker. It was the same the next day. Finally, the line was dark enough on the Friday of my missed period that we were both convinced.

Still, the shouting, cheering, and tears of joy didn't come.

We were happy, to be sure, but I want to make it clear there was no fanfare. There were no screams of excitement or unbridled joy. We hugged and held each other and then went about our day. But it wasn't the Hollywood moment of extreme elation, rubbing my belly, or unstoppable smiles, and I'm perfectly OK with that.

It was real. 

I'm here for a more honest representation of everything pregnancy-related

Parenting is a huge responsibility, and the weight of it can hit hard in that positive-test moment. It will change everything, and it's not always a guaranteed outcome, even if when trying.

Commercials, celebrities, and regular people like me are trying to be more vocal and sensitive to the fact that fertility journeys may be a struggle and take a long time for some people. There's a paradigm shift where more and more people are coming forward saying they don't want to be parents, and upward of 60% of people in one study said they were ambivalent about pregnancy.

So I want to offer up another story – one in which joy doesn't take center stage.

The bold pink line that finally came was not what told me I was pregnant — I did. My body was already on it.