Woman Artists Remix 'Hotline Bling,' Tell Drake to Sit The Fuck Down 

Recently, as if acting of their own volition or by the direction of some cruel puppeteer, my hands navigated to iTunes and purchased Drake’s single “Hotline Bling.” At first I bemoaned this purchase, which I was certain would result in nothing more than the foolhardy loss of $1.29 and some extra data languishing on my laptop. But whether by the force of musical Stockholm Syndrome, the amusement I take in Sir Drake the Friendzoned, or, more likely, some pernicious combination, I’ve listened to the song ad infinitum. Were it possible to wear out an mp3, my personal “Hotline Bling” file would be in considerably less bling-esque tatters. My dreams play out against a Pepto-Bismol pink backdrop. I’m lingering on J.Crew’s website, contemplating the purchase of 10 to 20 turtlenecks for my husband.

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