Every State In The Nation Has Temperatures In The Low Teens Except For New Mexico Where Their Low Is In The High 80s

CHICAGO - (Satire News) - Ipso Facto reporter Fuchsia Garfunkel reports that the Canadian Super Vortex has arrived.

She noted that one of the nation's leading weather experts, Dr. Faustini Fillapreeni, 64, said that as a result, every state in the…