A Message for Gov. Newsom From a Devoted Follower
I am not sure why I have started getting email from California’s Gov. Gavin Newsom addressing me as Gerald. I am not a Democrat, and I am not Gerald. Here are the first few sentences from one of the latest: “Gerald, I’m sure you’ve heard the talking heads call Virginia a ‘bellwether state’ before. But is it really true? Let me get into the weeds for a quick minute….” There was a request for money at the end to help him spread his philosophy to swing states like Virginia.
Since he was nice enough to write personally, I decided to reciprocate.
Dear Gov. Newsom,
I was thrilled to read your personal message to me. I am a huge fan. Unfortunately, I cannot send any money at this time, as I am currently incarcerated on a trumped-up grand theft auto charge and need all of my finances to make bail.
However, I would be glad to spread the word to the citizens of Virginia as I pass through that state in my travels between New York and Florida due to restraining orders from several of my former spouses. (They don’t know the difference between stalking and protective observation.)
As a cross-dressing LGBTQ homeless person, I strongly support what you have done for us victims of society. Rather than shun us, you have empowered us. It is truly inspiring to see the homeless virtually in charge of San Francisco and Los Angeles.
I would love to visit California and thank you for your efforts. But due to a misunderstanding on my visit to Washington to personally thank President Biden for all he has done for the country, I have been mistakenly placed on a “no-fly” list. I apparently did not hear the warning shots as I climbed the White House fence.
I also applaud your efforts to keep guns out of the hands of dangerous homeowners and shopkeepers. I and several associates were nearly killed when a jewelry store owner pulled a 9mm Glock pistol during one of our wealth-redistribution operations. The fascist police and the governor of Florida call this “snatch-and-grab theft.”
I strongly support your efforts to further liberalize secondary school education. I would personally participate in drag queen story hours, but those danged restraining areas will not let me get within 100 feet of a school.
Your efforts to eliminate fossil-fueled vehicles has my admiration. I recently test drove an electric car and was very impressed with its performance, but the owner decided to press charges — hence, my current efforts to make bail.
As proud member of the Democratic Party, I am constantly amazed that California continues to produce right-thinking leaders such as you, Nancy Pelosi, and Kamala Harris. I deeply appreciate your efforts to make the rest of the nation look like California. Keep up the good work. With help from right-thinking Democrats like me, we will get there eventually.
Your devoted friend and supporter,
Gerald
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