NFL best bets, Week 9: A Scumbag likes teasers (Cowboys, Saints!) in a weekend of gross football

Last week, we made a mistake. Our resident handicapper, the Rhode Island Scumbag, took the New York Giants at +3. I took their opponent, the New York Jets at -3. This not only ended in the utter dissatisifaction of a push, but also ensured we had to watch 60-plus minutes of Zach Wilson and Tommy DeVito — the football equivalent of a Caillou marathon (my original comparison didn’t meet editorial standards, but it was gross).

Despite that, we’re a combined 36-18-3 on the season and up a total of 23.5 units. There’s almost certainly some regression coming, but through roughly half the season I feel pretty good suggesting that, hey, if you read this column you probably made a little money. Let’s see if we can make you a little more. All Scumbag analysis is in blockquotes. My picks follow.

What a mediocre week giving out picks. 1-1-1 with the Giants absolutely blowing it and Chicago Bears never really having a chance. At least we put half a unit into the season total to keep pace with a red hot Chinz [Ed. note: That’s me. I used to be a chubby little guy, and dudes remember every nickname you’ve ever had. Not sure where the “z” came from but I imagine it was because the Hardy Boyz were a whole thing around that time].

I feel good about Week 9. There are a lot of opportunities, including several small dogs I think can win outright. If you tease them up, they could win, or lose by a TD or less and we still cash. I’m pretty confident in one; keep reading to find out who.