On Monday, Harbaugh finally got a chance to formally speak about the ramifications of his suspension. While he did (kind of?) address the consequences and any forthcoming legal battles, he also went on a few weird tangents that were entirely disconnected from the situation.
As one does.
First, Harbaugh said that Michigan should be “America’s Team” because it’s … well, I don’t really know why, as his reasoning is quite silly:
Jim Harbaugh just said that Michigan should be “America’s team” because it has been through adversity and criticism and the naysayers.
Later, when clarifying his personal health, Harbaugh went on a diatribe about how he apparently doesn’t get sick and will simply do some light exercise and eat fruit to get over the sniffles. Uh, sure. That’s not how human biology works but whatever. Dennis Reynolds would be so proud.
Harbaugh sounds raspy but insists he’s not sick. “I’m the iron wall that viruses bash against and shatter,” he says. Says he’ll “do some more pushups and eat an apple.”
In a twist that no one really asked for, but Harbaugh provided anyway, he said he no longer feels that chickens are “nervous birds.” In fact, he really appreciates their poise and production (Note: they are not football players).
Harbaugh now discussing getting chicks for Easter 2020, then “the chicks became teenager chickens” and now egg-layers.
He said he was dead wrong about chickens being nervous birds and hating them. Chickens are always happy to see him. “Fresh eggs every day, highly productive.”
To put a cherry on top for the man who probably takes himself way too seriously, Harbaugh recalled his apparent friendship with Judith Sheindlin (a.k.a. “Judge Judy”) when asked if he’d testify at a Friday court hearing regarding his suspension. Everyone knows reality television court is the same thing as the real judicial process:
Harbaugh clarifies that he’s not sure whether he’ll testify Friday. “That’s not my dance floor,” he says. “I’ve watched a lot of shows. I’ve watched Judge Judy a lot.”
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