'Gilmore Girls' fans hate on Mrs. Kim, but she did her best in a community that didn't understand her
Mrs. Kim from "Gilmore Girls" lived in a community that didn't get her or her values. But she did her best to make Stars Hollow home for her daughter.
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- Mrs. Kim is an outsider on "Gilmore Girls," and her fear of the unknown comes out in her parenting.
- Although her values didn't fit in the small town, Mrs. Kim did her best to keep her child safe.
- We see remnants of her complex relationship with her mother, which she seemed to pass down to Lane.
Stars Hollow seems like the perfect, idyllic small town to live in — if you're white.
But someone like Mrs. Kim, Lane's widely hated mother on "Gilmore Girls," doesn't exactly fit in with her Korean heritage and devout Christian values.
Given that she's an outsider in a town that's run by quirky white New Englanders, it makes sense that Mr. Kim keeps extremely close to what she knows. She dresses conservatively, works hard, and focuses her attention on Lane's education.
In doing so, she's painted as an overbearing, controlling, authoritarian Asian mother who pushes her daughter into rebellion.
Mrs. Kim is far from perfect, but she also exists as a mere foil to Lorelai Gilmore's free-spirited take on single motherhood.
Her parenting style had a complexity that no one in Stars Hollow seemed to understand — and probably never could. But it's clear that she's trying to do what she thinks is best for her daughter. Perhaps viewers should give her the benefit of the doubt.
Mrs. Kim's values didn't really fit in Stars Hollow
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On Lane's wedding day, Mrs. Kim has a serious conversation with her daughter, telling her marriage is a job that requires sacrifices and sex is a "terrible thing" she has to do.
If that's how Mrs. Kim views marriage, it's no wonder she took Lane's dating life so seriously by organizing dates and having strict criteria for every suitor.
Mrs. Kim makes it clear that she's untrusting of American boys and wants Lane to be with someone who respects her — perhaps in the hopes that her daughter may have a better marriage than she does.
Throughout the series, Mrs. Kim rarely mentions Mr. Kim and he's never present, except for a brief cameo in the 2016 revival. She's essentially raising Lane on her own.
It's also clear she's still dealing with her own complex relationship with her mother
It's not uncommon for children to repeat the same parenting style they were exposed to, and on season six, we learn Mrs. Kim is terrified of her mother.
When she gets word of her mom's visit, she begins to hide her Seventh-day Adventist identity — just like Lane hides her love of rock 'n' roll from Mrs. Kim.
Mrs. Kim's mother doesn't say much, but when she does speak, she mostly chastises her daughter in Korean. This mirrors the way Mrs. Kim scolds and criticizes Lane throughout the series.
This very brief (and essentially the only) window into Mrs. Kim's past is very telling when it comes to assessing her parenting style.
That's not to say some of her controlling or harmful actions are OK — to be honest, every character on the show could benefit from therapy. But if fans take a second to understand her more they may be more inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Mrs. Kim isn't perfect, but she deserves to be more than everyone's least-favorite character
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After moving to Stars Hollow, Mrs. Kim devoted herself to her religious and cultural values to cope with living in a town that didn't understand the nuances of her life experiences.
Her authoritative parenting choices weren't nurturing, and she didn't build a sense of trust or safety with Lane until much later in the series.
But ultimately, it's clear she wanted what was best for her daughter and tried to protect her from the unknown (which, unfortunately for her, was all around her).
Like many mothers, she did her best with what she had — I think it's time for fans to cut her some slack.