My son is applying to 17 colleges. The stress is becoming too much for both of us.
Her son stays up to midnight most nights, trying to complete his school work and finishing the many essays he needs to complete for college applications.
Courtesy of Erika Ebsworth-Goold
- My son is applying to 17 colleges, and the application process is causing us both stress.
- My husband and I are proofreading his essays and filling out the FAFSA for him.
- My son is staying up late to get it all done, but I'm trying to make sure he stays healthy.
I knew this time would come; I just didn't know I'd dread it so much.
My only child is now a high-school senior. To say these past few months have been tough would be an understatement — the acute and specific ache of my oncoming empty-nest status notwithstanding.
As we barrel toward the end of 2023, the hellscape that is the college-application process is upon our family. My son has decided to apply to 17 schools. It's a large number, but he's interested in a highly competitive field — film — and wants to cast a wide net.
The process is certainly much more streamlined than when I applied to colleges decades ago — no handwriting, manuscripts, typewriters, or stamps involved. But just because it's digital doesn't mean it's easier.
Navigating this process has been difficult
Frustrations are running high in my house. My normally mild-mannered, cheerful young man is at times cranky, exhausted, and pretty stressed out. I'm right there with him.
In theory, the Common App lessens the burden of applying to multiple universities. He's submitted his transcript, his letters of recommendation, and his general essay through the website. These, in turn, are electronically sent to each school where he'll apply.
But his focus on a fine-arts major means he also has to submit separate portfolios with downloadable examples of his creative work, plus supplemental essays. Some schools ask for as many as five extra submissions, all with different prompts.
He already has a full and complicated school load. He's an International Baccalaureate candidate, so on top of juggling college applications, he's working on service projects and advanced physics homework.
Most evenings he's working away at his desk until just before midnight. A few times I've come into his room in the morning and realized he was too tired the night before to bother turning off the lights.
We have important decisions to make
He has his "safety" and "stretch" schools in the mix, but then we have to strategize submission deadlines. Should he pursue early action for a better chance of getting merit scholarships? Should we fall back on regular decision to give him a little more time and breathing room to prepare all those application materials?
The pressure cooker of options is enough to make anyone's head spin, especially a 17-year-old who's still sharpening his executive-functioning skills.
I have forms and applications to fill out too
I've added the Free Application for Federal Student Aid and the College Scholarship Service Profile, or the CSS, to our to-do list. My husband and I just started getting our financial forms together to fill them out.
We are also reading through and making suggestions on our son's essays — two dozen so far.
We're all trying to stay on top of deadlines while doing our best to keep our family's collective sanity intact.
While the to-do list is daunting, I'm cheering my son on
I keep encouraging my kid, cheering him on, trying to ensure he's eating well, and steering him toward spending what time he can with his friends. This is his first big and tremendously important transition toward adulthood, but I know I need to help him find some balance as well.
Thankfully, we've gotten some great advice from his school's college counselor. Our friends who've been through the process before are also wonderfully supportive.
As intense and emotional as applying to college is, I know this will all be worth it in the end. He'll land where he's supposed to, and he'll bloom where he's planted, no matter which university he chooses. We've just got to hang on, dig in, and stay focused a bit longer.
As his mom, I hope this process is teaching him a simple fact: Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.