I am back with love of my life after two years apart but now he wants extreme sex all the time
DEAR DEIDRE: THE love of my life and I have got back together after two years apart.
It’s been perfect – except I’ve been unsettled by his new sexual interests.
We always had a good sex life before, but he’s changed and only ever wants extreme sex now.
I’d be happy to experiment with him every now and then but it’s every time we have sex.
And instead of feeling like we are on an adventure together, each time he wants to do something new, it just makes me wonder about what he got up to with the woman he was seeing when we were apart.
I’m 28, he’s 29 and we were together for three years.
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I thought we’d get married but when I started to drop serious hints he backed off, telling me he wasn’t ready to settle down.
I was heartbroken, especially as it didn’t take him long to get together with another woman.
She was 31 and very confident. I started to avoid my usual haunts, knowing I was likely to bump into them.
I had quite a few dates but nothing amounted to anything serious.
Still, I managed to have fun and thought I was over him.
But when he called recently, asking to get a coffee, my heart skipped a beat and I knew we would get back together.
He told me he had realised I was the one for him and that he was stupid to let me go.
Everything was going so well until the second time we had sex and he asked me to really dig my nails in his back.
I was a bit surprised but agreed. Only, he kept asking me to do it harder and harder.
Afterwards, his back was deeply marked. It looked awful.
He laughed off my worries and assured me it would be fine in a couple of days.
The next time, he wanted me to slap him hard. He’s also asked for anal sex, which we never tried before.
I’m struggling to keep up and am even worrying about what’s coming next.
I don’t want to lose him again, so what can I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If you are close enough to have sex, and adventurous sex at that, you are close enough to discuss it.
Let him know how you are feeling and ask for his reassurance.
If you are going to build a solid relationship, you’ll need to be prepared to have these honest conversations.
He may feel he has to impress you in the bedroom after time apart, and may even be suggesting things that are outside his own comfort zone.
But please don’t agree to do anything you are uncomfortable with.
No one should be forced to do anything sexually they are uneasy about.
My support pack Kinks And Fetishes will help you both.