My wife won’t have sex with me and now she is flirting with random men online
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND sexy messages on my wife’s computer that she’d sent to random men and one of her exes.
She complimented him by saying he had “a banging body and great bum”.
Yet when I confronted her, she told me she and her ex are just good friends.
And she said they only reminisce about the old college days.
But I’ve seen them messaging about how great their sex life was and how she misses their shared baths.
She’s also told him we haven’t had sex for 15 years.
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We never talk about it and I just accepted that she couldn’t, or didn’t want to.
We have been together for 18 years. I am 57 and my partner is 58.
I’ve told her I know she is lying. I’m so upset but all she did was accuse me of invading her privacy.
At least she has now said sorry for upsetting me and volunteered that she won’t message her ex again.
But I’ve been back on her computer, and while she hasn’t messaged that ex, she has been sending flirty messages to other men.
I don’t know what to do.
We’ve spoken and she said she messages these people to build up their confidence, but now she’s destroyed mine.
I feel like our life together has been one big lie.
I’m devastated. Do we try to make this work?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife won’t be feeling good about this. But I’m afraid if she can’t show genuine remorse or be honest with you then you can’t rebuild your marriage.
She may not be having a physical affair but these messages are a form of cheating – she’d be horrified if you did it with other women.
Tell her she has to stop now if you’re to stay together.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can work together to strengthen your relationship.
Talk to her about the lack of intimacy. Having a good sex life will help bring you both closer as well as improve your mental health.
My support pack Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive could trigger a proper conversation so that you can find out what the issue is.
Is there a problem she’s not dared to share with you?
It would also be worth her visiting her GP to make sure there isn’t a medical issue.