I have started having adventurous sex to try and keep my man but worry it’s not working
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS convinced my man was having an affair, so I turned into a whore in the bedroom, chef in the kitchen and tireless maid in the living room.
After 20 years together my partner has started threatening to leave, so I’m doing absolutely everything I can to keep him.
But I’m not sure it’s making any difference.
I am 49 and my partner is 51. It all blew up when I accused him of cheating.
He’d come home from the pub drunk, fallen asleep on the sofa and dropped his phone.
Then messages came in from a woman in our village.
Had he got home OK?
Did he fancy meeting again — just the two of them?
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He flew off the handle when I accused him of cheating, then told me we were over, saying he’s tired of initiating everything and wants someone to take an interest in him.
We then ended up having sex.
It was the wake-up call I needed.
We’d been sleepwalking towards separate lives for years.
The last thing I want is to lose him and I admit I have been distant.
Since then I’ve bought sexy underwear and toys, I pounce on him for sex as soon as he walks through the door and I’ve been taking a lot more care over my appearance.
When I’m at home, if I’m not cooking lavish meals, I’m cleaning.
I’m utterly exhausted and yet he still says he’s not sure what he wants.
Last night, he told me he is still thinking about seeing a solicitor, after we’d just had sex.
How can I persuade him to change his mind?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised you are exhausted.
All that effort and he still isn’t convinced.
Good meals and a clean home are comforting, but what you both really need is a genuine connection.
He is trying to tell you he wants you to take an interest in him.
He wants to talk about what matters to him.
How is his work, health and family?
What are the elements he wants in your relationship?
In turn, you need to open up to him and tell him what you are missing.
Reconnecting in the bedroom is great but it won’t rescue two people who can’t be honest or trusting with each other.
My support pack Looking After Your Relationship will help you to work on improving life for you two as a couple.