31 Too-Real Tweets About Parents Having 'The Talk' With Their Kids
As awkward as it may feel, there comes a time when every parent must have “the talk” with their children. But those early efforts to explain where babies come from don’t always go as planned.
Fortunately, you can always laugh about it! Below, we’ve rounded up 31 hilarious tweets about trying to have the sex talk with your kids.
Me: Time to talk about the birds and the bees
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 5, 2020
Son: I'd rather get poop on my head
Daughter: I'd rather get stung a million times
Me: wait, you know it's not really about... *kids run away*
Impromptu birds & bees talk ended with my son comparing testicles to Transformers, so I guess that went well.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 11, 2015
"It's like a horsey ride for grown ups!"
— Kelkulus (@kelkulus) July 5, 2012
- Me, failing at giving a talk about the birds and the bees
Parenting Pro Tip: when giving your kids the sex talk, visual aids and demonstrations are NOT as helpful as it may seem
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 11, 2020
My 6 year old asked where babies came from.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 18, 2020
I told him the truth.
While I was sitting and basking in my pride at being an Honest Mom, he just stared before saying: “I wasn’t expecting that. That was inappropriate.”
Then: “DID THE DOCTORS WATCH YOU DO IT”
I shoulda lied.
Talking with my boys about things like sex and consent and where babies from is of the utmost importance. It's a responsibility I take seriously. But it's tough not to crack a smile when your son can't stop pronouncing it "Ba-CHINA."
— Tired. Dad. Writer. (@DaddyFiles) January 10, 2020
My 8 year old said verbatim, "well first we were in dads nuts. Then in moms egg. Now we're us."
— Courtney (@Discourt) July 28, 2012
Sex talk stuck like fucking glue, people.
My 6 yo: where do babies come from?
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) October 10, 2020
Me: vaginas
6: I hate being human
Had the sex talk with my daughter and used the term “heavy petting.” She hasn’t spoken to me since then.
— Babe Truth (@UnFitz) July 26, 2018
It was 12 years ago.
[After my wife explains to our kids where babies come from]
— The Dad (@thedad) March 14, 2020
ME: That’s wild.
WIFE: …You knew this.
ME: I know but you get used to it... When you actually think about it again it’s absolutely insane.
my 4yo: mommy, did you eat me and 6yo and that's how we got in your tummy?
— Lil Bit ???? (@LizerReal) June 23, 2021
me: yes. yes i did
it's such a relief to have the sex talk out of the way already
We had to have the sex talk with 10 today.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 21, 2019
So obviously I'll be avoiding eye contact with him the rest of the day.
Using toys to explain the birds & the bees to your kids seems clever unless the toys are Transformers because the logistics get complicated.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 13, 2016
If you want your kids to leave you alone, just start giving them the sex talk.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) October 13, 2012
My son just asked if girls were born with pierced ears, so I guess my birds & bees talk wasn't as comprehensive as I thought.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 9, 2016
My 6yo recently asked how babies get inside a mommy’s tummy, and since I was not quite prepared to have this talk at his age, I told him babies come from seeds. Now both of my kids are convinced that I ate two baby seeds.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) August 20, 2021
I always thought having a toddler was the hardest part of parenting and then I had the sex talk with my teen.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) July 29, 2019
Restaurant for Mother's Day breakfast:
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) May 12, 2019
4: what should I sing about?
MIL: Babies
4: ????Babies! Babies! They come from--
Me: *frantically waving* nonono--
4: ???? They come from vaginas
H: you really shouldn't have
4: ???? Vaginas VAGINAS Babies come from VAGINAAAS OOOoooOo ????
2:17am
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) June 2, 2021
Me: It’s time to have “the talk”
12: [snoring]
Me: Yes! Now it’s her turn again!
Wife told me to have the sex talk with our son but she gave me a list of words I can't use so now I'm just sitting in a room staring at him.
— Babies Daddy (@dshack8) March 1, 2016
Dad: It's like your mom and I. When a bird and a bee really love each other..
— RaspberryheART (@Jenny4ashley) September 15, 2014
Son: they have a baby?
D: they can't together, so they adopt.
Just gave a more detailed birds and bees talk to our boys. With pictures of STDs. They won’t look me in the eyes anymore. Sorry kids, you’ll thank me some day.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 10, 2019
Me *giving son the birds and bees talk*
— The Dad (@thedad) November 28, 2021
Son: Do we have to do this now?
Barber, looking up from cutting son's hair: And is that even accurate?
[the talk]-
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 4, 2019
me: ok so there’s birds and bees, spiders and snakes. you see one you fuckin run
Me: Ok son that was the sex talk, what did you think?
— The Dad (@thedad) June 19, 2019
Son: When did you learn interpretative dance?
WIFE: I want you to teach the kids about the birds and the bees
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 27, 2017
ME: got it
[later]
ME: listen up kids, birds are stupid and bees are mean
Oh gosh. Movie turned into a sex talk because of a certain scene. Her: “Gross.” Me: “I agree.” TALK HANDLED. ????
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) November 4, 2018
my kid and I had an awkward sex talk last night. he doesn’t know what it is either
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 18, 2020
Me: ok kids. let’s talk about the birds and the bees. they’re dicks. birds will shit on you. bees will sting you. Son what does that mean?
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) June 1, 2018
Son: don’t be a dick?
Me: nailed it, Daughter?
Daughter: stay away from dicks.
Me: [confidently sips from World’s Greatest Dad mug]
Just had “the talk” with my youngest son and I got some pretty good pointers.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 30, 2021
Of course I'll talk to my kid about sex eventually, but first I'm giving them a Tamagotchi. If that thing doesn't scare you away from the responsibility of raising a child, nothing will.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 10, 2020