We couldn't go on our honeymoon until 2 years after our wedding. Waiting killed the romance.
Courtesy of India Kushner
- After we got married, my husband and I had our hearts set on Japan for our honeymoon.
- COVID-19 made us wait two years. I felt like the trip was less romantic because of the delay.
- We may not have the joy of newlyweds, but the trip was memorable and strengthened our relationship.
Everything about my marriage has been like waiting for a delayed train, hopeful and full of false starts.
In 2019, when my husband asked me to marry him, we agreed to a yearlong engagement so we could save up for the wedding. That was expected. But what wasn't expected when we set the date for summer 2020 was that a pandemic would make us postpone it.
Before we made the official decision, we spent several months weighing our anticipation against our loved ones' health and safety. The prospect of postponing felt like a flock of vultures circling ominously, but health and safety won out and we delayed our wedding day to the next year.
Despite our disappointment, the joy we felt from finally being able to celebrate on September 25, 2021, was even bigger.
When it came to our honeymoon, my husband and I were set on going to Japan. He's always loved the movies made by Hayao Miyazaki and wanted to see the cedar forests that inspired "Princess Mononoke." I was somewhat of a Japanophile, having read manga in high school. I'm also a fan of the cuisine, the culture, and its stationery.
Unfortunately, Japan's borders were closed because of COVID-19 restrictions and remained so until April this year. We decided that we would go on a mini honeymoon in New York as a placeholder until we could go to Japan.
Courtesy of India Kushner
Insomnia got in the way of my enjoyment
Once Japan's borders opened, we began planning our trip. We would visit Tokyo for almost a week, then Kyoto and Osaka for a few days, followed by a week on Yakushima Island.
I was excited to explore new cities, and my husband looked forward to hiking all over Yakushima. In the lead-up to the trip, I wasn't sure what to expect. I had been on long vacations with family before, but my husband and I hadn't traveled together extensively.
When we arrived in Tokyo, the 13-hour time difference really got to me. I kept waking up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep. Whether it was insomnia, my anxiety, or a combination of both, the first week of our trip wasn't as much fun as I had hoped, and it didn't feel romantic. I felt like I was in a dissociative state, as though I was in a giant fishbowl looking out at the world.
We were visiting unique places, eating delicious food, and exploring a new culture, but everything felt muted. I didn't feel like I could be present or fully experience anything.
Courtesy of Sam LeGrys
Once we got to Kyoto, my body adjusted and I began to improve. We walked the Philosopher's Path, visited zen gardens, and ate our fill of sushi and tofu.
Delaying the trip meant it was harder to cultivate romance
Although I was finally sleeping better and feeling more like myself, a small part of me felt let down. By the time we made it to Japan, we had already been married for two years. The trip was a wonderful vacation, but it didn't feel like a honeymoon. Though I was lucky to be going on such a memorable trip, I'd missed going during the actual honeymoon phase — and admitting this made me feel privileged.
On the day after our wedding, I remember feeling so loved and honored by all our guests. It was such a special moment to be surrounded by people from all different parts of our lives coming together to celebrate us. I wonder whether heading directly from that moment into a vacation would have continued that joyous feeling and tinged our memories with even more joy.
Altogether, my husband and I have been together for 11 years. While we still have a lot of love for each other, it's harder to cultivate romantic moments. Our lives are busy, and it's easy to get lost in our routines.
Our vacation was memorable, but it wasn't a dream from start to finish. There were mundane moments and times when we bickered, like when I was nervous to take the subway in Tokyo and my husband nudged me to get out of my comfort zone. Even though this probably still would have happened right after our wedding, I wonder whether it would have felt more romantic then.
We may not have the glow of newlyweds, but our love has strengthened in other ways
My husband is a great travel partner and planned a lot of the trip, so I was happy to let him take the lead. Of course, there were moments when I took charge, like when he got overwhelmed at the airport because our luggage was too heavy. He took me on a hike in Yakushima, and I agreed to it only because I didn't know it was an eight-hour trail. When I expressed my frustration, he told me he wanted it to be special. I assured him it was but that it was fine for us to have different interests. I was willing to hike for him because he did things for me.
On one of our last nights in Yakushima, we went to a restaurant with karaoke. Over fresh mackerel sushi, we watched locals sing ear-splittingly off-key. The restaurant owner kept putting the microphones in front of us, nudging us to sing, probably because we were foreigners.
Eventually, we got up the courage to sing, and my husband chose "Smooth" by Santana. Watching him sing his solo, grinning and putting on a fun, sultry tone while people cheered him on, was truly a memorable moment.
We may not always have the glow of a new couple, but we have a deeper love that expresses itself a little more quietly and — sometimes — less elegantly. But I never take it for granted, even for a second.