I’m tortured by my thoughts about my husband

DEAR DEIDRE: Tortured by thoughts that my husband might be having an affair, I now can’t eat or sleep.

Next week, he’s going to meet a female client at the station, and just the thought of her sitting with him in his car is driving me crazy.

I’m 34 and he’s 38. We’ve been married six years.

He’s never cheated on me, as far as I know, or given me reason to doubt his feelings for me. But I have been cheated on in the past.

My husband works very long hours. For some reason, ever since he told me he was going to be responsible for picking up and taking care of his client while she’s on a trip to our city, I’ve felt anxious.

I picture her sitting in the car, in the front seat where I usually sit, and imagine my husband touching her leg or smiling at her as he drives.

He’s supposed to be dropping her off at her hotel and I can’t help worrying that he’ll go up to her room with her, and then they’ll have sex.

I’ve realised I’ve become obsessively jealous, and I don’t know why.

But I know it isn’t healthy.

If I tell him how I feel, he’ll think I’m pathetic or losing it. How can I stop torturing myself?

DEIDRE SAYS:  Irrational jealousy usually stems from insecurity. You’ve been hurt in the past, which can make it hard to trust fully again.

You say your husband is working long hours, so perhaps you aren’t receiving the time or attention you need from him. Perhaps you feel lonely or neglected when he’s not there.

Whatever the reason, you need to talk to him. Hopefully, he can reassure you that he’s committed to you.

Arrange to spend quality time together when he’s not working. My support pack, Raising Self-Esteem might be helpful to read.

If your obsessive thoughts continue, think about counselling.