How We Keep Our Holidays Simple by Using the 'Four-Gift Rule'

Have you noticed how the more gifts your child has to open, the more simultaneously callous and over-stimulated they become? A pile of presents looks impressive in photos, but all the wrapped boxes and gift bags don’t actually bring a child more holiday spirit and long-term joy.

We have four kids, ranging from a teen to a 7-year-old, and we absolutely love the holiday season. However, I began to notice that when it comes to gifts, less is definitely more. When my children did receive a huge stack of presents, they seemed to open their gifts aggressively, their faces gradually displaying a sense of being overwhelmed, not thrilled. Over the past couple of Christmases, I decided that we would stick to the four-gift rule.

If you haven’t heard of the four-gift rule yet, let me clue you in. A person receives — you guessed it — four gifts. Each gift has a purpose. My kids each receive something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. Doesn’t it sound beautifully simple? The good news is, yes, it actually is that simple!

Now, some of you might be thinking, is this enough? After all, almost every Christmas movie shows a child squealing with utter exhilaration on Christmas morning upon viewing mountains of presents. It’s no wonder that this more-is-more vibe has become the standard parents set for themselves. We have been conditioned (and encouraged) to believe that creating “the ideal and magical Christmas that every kid wants” means going into credit card debt.

I had to change my kids’ expectations. A few years ago, we held a family meeting and shared that the upcoming Christmas, and moving forward, we would be following the four-gift rule. I explained what it is. I wasn’t met with anger, comparisons, or confusion. The kids were like, “Cool.” That was that.

The four-gift rule is not only the expectation, but the tradition. I am happy to report that not only are my kids jolly on Christmas morning, but I’m less stressed. I don’t have to worry about making the number of gifts even between my kids. There’s a standard which makes gift shopping easier for me.

For anyone hoping to make this transition, I do have some advice for you. What helped my kids — and us parents — was to make sure our Christmas mornings continued to be an entire experience. Yes, gifts are fun and are essential to a merry holiday (for most kids), but they aren’t the center of our celebration. Christmas morning includes blasting our holiday playlist, enjoying an elaborate brunch, and sipping a hot drink while lounging in our family-matching red and green plaid pajamas.

Want to add to the fun? Almost every kid I know loves to snoop and shake their wrapped gifts, trying to figure out what’s inside. I decided to buy four distinct holiday wrapping papers each year, one per kid. Here’s the catch: I don’t tell them which paper is theirs, and no paper matches the child’s likes and personality. For example, my kiddo who loves all things outer space doesn’t get the Santa-riding-a-rocket-wrapped gifts, so the theme of the paper doesn’t give anything away.

After I wrap each kid’s gift in their respective wrapping papers, I take a scrap of that paper, fold it over (printed part on the inside), and place it in an envelope. Then I seal the envelope and write their name on the front. I do this for each of my kids — then I hide the envelopes until it’s time to open gifts.

The kids absolutely love the thrill of guessing whose gifts are whose. When it’s time for the ever-anticipated unwrapping, each kid opens their envelope to find out which four gifts they can collect from under the tree. This has been a huge hit in my home!

There are so many ways to make a holiday merry and bright for your kids without providing them with an avalanche of gifts. For us, setting out cookies and milk for Santa (and carrots for the reindeer), visiting Santa, hosting family and friends, wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, attending a church service as a family, driving or walking around to look at Christmas lights, watching holiday movies together, and baking cookies are some of the fun ways we celebrate. If you celebrate a different winter holiday, lean into the traditions that make it special outside of gift-giving.

I also encourage my kids, each December, to donate the money they’ve saved all year (10% of their allowance) to any cause that tugs at their heartstrings. Some of them have opted to purchase toys, books, and art supplies for charity drives, for example. We also talk about how each person’s holiday looks different — ranging from which days they celebrate to how they celebrate. There isn’t a right or wrong way, including when it comes to gifts.

The four-gift rule can be applied to gifting to a partner, friend, or family member as well. Many of us become stumped on what to get that one person in our lives who is difficult to buy for. I love the idea of gifting them a book that I read and loved, some tech-friendly gloves, that bottle of wine they enjoy, and a phone charger. You can even theme the four gifts, such as a winter theme. Get a holiday book, a beanie in their favorite color or some fuzzy socks, hot chocolate, and an ice scraper for their windshield. Have fun and get creative.

I am so grateful I discovered the four-gift rule, and I’m excited for another holiday season with my family. I’m already on the hunt for four fun wrapping paper patterns for the kids — but more importantly, I’m looking forward to watching them savor the four gifts they each receive.