Новости за 11.04.2024

The Arizona Supreme Court ruled that a 160-year-old law banning all abortions from the time of conception with no allowances for cases of rape or incest can be enforced, usurping the state’s previous 15-week abortion ban from 2022. What do you think?

LAS VEGAS—With onlookers gasping as the former football star made a big show of being too big for the casket, O.J. Simpson was reportedly allowed to remain alive Thursday after his coffin didn’t fit. “If the coffin doesn’t fit, you must let him live a bit.” said O.J. eulogizer Tommie Lochran, who advocated for Simpson…

WEATOGUE, CT—Delivering the message just as their daughters were getting ready to order lunch, the nation’s moms called a press conference Wednesday to announce aloud to no one in particular that salads can be very filling. “Maybe order one and see if you’re still hungry after that—you can always order more,” said…

NAPLES, FL—Claiming they had to do what was best for themselves and their families, a group of local residents confirmed Thursday they had established a more exclusive gated community within the already-gated Crestwood Estates development. “To protect our property values from the undesirable element now moving into…

According to an announcement on its website, the Chechen Ministry of Culture banned all music with a tempo below 80 or above 116 beats per minute to “conform to the Chechen mentality and sense of rhythm,” thereby criminalizing many genres. What do you think?

NEW YORK—Earning widespread acclaim from romance readers, a dildo embossed with the text “He’s a famous hockey player” had shot to the top of The New York Times’ paperback trade fiction bestsellers list this week. “Once you start, it’s impossible to put it down,” said 27-year-old Sofia Rasing, who described the…

While pleasuring oneself can be fun, sometimes it can be beneficial to remove your hand from your pants and give your overworked genitals a break. Here are all the hidden health benefits of refusing to masturbate.

SILVER SPRING, MD—Urging all 340 million Americans to avoid filling up in order to better enjoy the evening’s meal, the Food and Drug Administration issued a warning Thursday that if the U.S. populace ate now, it wouldn’t be hungry for supper. “Our findings suggest that if you have a snack right now, you’ll just…